Ask Alex : Unwanted Pregnancy
Lifestyle October 4, 2020
Hey Alex!
I never wanted children and despite precautions being taken here I am with a 12 month old baby boy. I have been married to the father of my child for 5 years and he is an amazing man who loves our baby very much, but I just don’t want to be here anymore. He can tell how miserable I am and he knows that it is because I never wanted a baby. I want to leave and let him raise our child on his own. I honestly think he would be happier and I know that I would be happier too. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Mother of the Year
Hey Mother of the Year!
This is a situation where absolutely no one can tell you what to do. You are going to have to do a lot of soul searching and come to the best conclusion for your child, not for you. I would like to give you my thoughts though and some points that I think you should consider.
First and foremost you need to have a very direct conversation with your husband. I’m sure that you are right and he is picking up on your misery, but you can’t just assume that and you can’t assume that he is perfectly happy having a child. He deserves to know exactly how you feel and what you are thinking. The two of you need to come to a healthy solution together if at all possible.
I do feel that if you are going to leave perhaps it is better not to wait it out and see if your feelings change. A baby that young is likely not to even remember you being a part of their life, which might be better for the child rather than having memories of mom leaving one day. I would caution that if you choose to leave, then be gone. I can only imagine that having a mother who pops in and out of your life periodically would be psychologically damaging for any child.
So whatever decision you make, make it with the mindset that there is no going back. I’m not saying that there is no going back but that your decision should carry this much weight.
Lastly, at a bare minimum if you choose to leave, you will still be financially responsible for this child. We all hear about “deadbeat dads” but there are just as many deadbeat moms, don’t become that person. While you may never have wanted a child; it happened and it is still your responsibility to provide.
Sincerely,
Alex
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex Takes a Week Off
Lifestyle September 27, 2020
Alex will return next week to offer up advice on all of life’s questions!
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Stressful Life
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : Stressful Life
Lifestyle September 20, 2020
Hey Alex!
Lately I have been feeling the stress. Nothing out of the ordinary, work and home life, but I think with the state of the world it is making it harder for me to cope. It just seems like everything is going badly. I’ve tried all the regular things, like exercise and meditation to deal, but I just keep finding myself overwhelmed. Do you have any tips or advice on dealing with everyday stress?
Sincerely,
Over It
Hey Over It!
I think the majority of people are feeling the stress nowadays, and I think you are right, the never ending year that is 2020 is playing a big part in that.
The first thing you need to do is disconnect from the negativity, even if just for a few days. World events are very important and in the grand scheme of things does affect us all, but following the constant barrage of event after event can wear on the best of us. Stay informed, watch the news, read the articles, but be mindful of how much time you spend doing this and how you are reacting to it. It never hurts to take a break when needed.
Now as far as dealing with life’s stresses that can sometimes add up, I would like to say that the standard advice is exercise, eating right and getting enough sleep. These are all recommended time and time again and for a reason, they work for many people!
But for a more unconventional approach, you have to reset your mind. The truth is that the events surrounding you do not affect you, how you react to them is what causes your stress. You have to reset your way of thinking. Instead of being overwhelmed with tasks at hand, stop and reflect on how tackling the task will offer you improvement. Every task completed is an opportunity to better your life.
Lastly, make a list of what needs to be done and set your sights on just doing one thing at a time. There is no need to worry about what all is on the list, just focus your time and energy on the one item at hand. Eventually the list will get done.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : High School Rumors
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : High School Rumors
Lifestyle September 13, 2020
Hey Alex!
I broke up with my boyfriend and he is starting nasty rumors about me. I don’t know who all has heard the rumors but I feel like people are treating me different and talking about me. It’s so bad that I don’t even want to go to school! I keep begging my mom to just let me stay home, but she is making me go anyway. How can I make her understand how bad it is?
Sincerely,
Scared
Hey Scared!
I can tell you with a lot of confidence that what you are facing has been faced by almost every single person in the world. Whether it is embarrassment from untrue rumors or humiliation from a mistake. So know that you are not alone and take this knowledge with you when you hear something about someone else. Remember your feelings in this moment and try in the future to not be a part of making someone else feel this way.
I wish there was a way to let you know how insignificant this moment in your life will end up being. It will pass and the less importance you place on it, the quicker it will go. All gossip becomes old gossip when something new occurs and something new will always occur.
Your mom is right in having you just face it head on. The more you show that these rumors don’t hold any power over you, the less power these rumors have and the less likely people are to believe them.
Keep in mind those that know you, know the truth and who you are, and those that choose to believe what they hear, don’t matter.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Accidental Text
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : Accidental Text
Lifestyle September 6, 2020
Hey Alex!
I feel like I want to crawl in a hole and just die. I am very married to a man named Brad and very employed by a man named Bradley, at least that is how my boss’s name is saved in my phone. Recently my husband was out of town for a few days and I accidentally sent an embarrassingly private text message to my boss. The text was meant for my husband! I didn’t realize I had done this until the next day at work! My boss hasn’t said anything to me but I can’t even make eye contact with him now. I’m so embarrassed! How should I approach this situation?
Sincerely,
Embarrassed
Hey Embarrassed!
There are really two lessons to be learned here, but we will start with the first, which is how to approach the situation so that you can be comfortable at work again.
As with any situation where there is simply a misunderstanding or a simple mistake that has been made, approach it head on. Ask your boss if you could speak to him for a couple of minutes and explain in private that you are very sorry to have sent the message to him and that it was meant for your husband, who was out of town.
Your boss hasn’t approached you yet because much like you, he probably just wants the situation to disappear, but for the sake of both of you and your continued working relationship, it is going to be better in the long run to just openly discuss and clear the air.
The next lesson to be learned here, is always be mindful of what you text! Yes, that message was meant for your husband but look at where it ended up and to be frank, you can never guarantee that who you are texting is always going to be in good graces with you.
Once it is sent out in the land of digital, it has the potential to be there forever. Make sure that anything you send is something that you wouldn’t mind having resurface later in your life.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Zodiac Signs
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : Zodiac Signs
Lifestyle August 30, 2020
Hey Alex!
I’ve recently gotten really into reading horoscopes and about the different zodiac signs. I think it has been helpful in how to navigate my relationships and so much of it seems to be spot on. My question is do you think all the advice surrounding zodiac signs is true and how much would you let it dictate your interactions?
Sincerely,
Leo
Hey Leo!
I think there is some truth to personality traits of people born under certain signs, but I would exercise caution when using this as a tool to make life decisions.
While there does seem to be common factors of people born during certain times of the year, you have to remember that individual life experiences will play a role in a person’s development. So while an Aries might be known for their impulsive fiery deposition, events might have taken place in their lives that would cause them to be more reserved. In other words you cannot just blatantly judge a book by its zodiac cover.
Another topic of consideration when “researching” a person’s zodiac behavior is that the internet is not the most reliable source for factual information. Check your sources before putting any stock into what is being said. Make sure that a Karen with healing crystals isn’t the guru behind the screen.
I would use the information you gather to try to better understand individuals and the relationships you have with them, but I definitely would not let this factor alone dictate your interactions or life decisions.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : A Sibling’s Smell
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Ask Alex : A Sibling’s Smell
Lifestyle August 23, 2020
Hey Alex!
I started dating a guy a couple of months ago and things are going really well, but there was always something that seemed off. I finally figured it out. He wears the same deodorant as my brother! Now, every time I am with him that’s all I notice! Every time I smell him, I think of my brother! Needless to say, it is killing the romance. I don’t want to weird him out by saying anything. Should I tell him he needs to switch deodorant?
Sincerely,
So Awkward
Hey So Awkward!
You should absolutely tell him, especially if you can’t get past it! Yes, admittedly it is a little weird of a subject to approach but if you are wanting to see where the relationship goes, it sounds like it will have to be approached.
Studies have shown time and time again that smell is our sense that is most closely linked to memories. It has even been shown that smells can conjure up suppressed memories such as a childhood trauma. So, with the sense of smell being so strongly linked to memory and for that matter, emotion, of course it would be hard to get past dating someone who smells like a sibling.
I’ve found the best way to approach awkward conversations is through humor. Let your guy know up front that you’re about to talk some awkward truth to him and let him know this with a smile on your face. I would bet that not only will he switch that deodorant, but that the two of you will also have a great inside joke to share for a long while.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Covid-19 and Schools
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : Covid-19 and Schools
Lifestyle August 16, 2020
Hey Alex!
I know for a fact that a member of the school board where my children attend school is positive for Covid-19 but he refuses to get tested or seek medical treatment. His wife tested positive last week and now he’s running a fever and can’t get out of bed. How can I be comfortable sending my children back to school if adult members of the school board are so childish that they won’t take responsible actions to keep others safe?
Sincerely,
Concerned Parent
Hey Concerned Parent!
I totally understand your concern for your child’s health. Our children are our most precious asset in life. With that being said, I think you might be being quick to get upset because your child in a roundabout way is involved.
From what you have described it doesn’t sound like the school board member is not taking responsible actions. If his wife tested positive and now he is sick, it is probably safe to assume that he contracted Covid-19 as well. Being tested would only confirm the assumption, and if he is treating it as though he has it and has let people know that he was in contact with Covid-19, then there is no reason to get tested.
The vast majority of Covid-19 cases to date have resolved themselves on their own without any kind of medical treatment. The fact that he hasn’t sought medical treatment isn’t an irresponsible action.
Now, if he is still out and about coming in contact with people or denying that his wife had tested positive, then that is a whole different ball game and parents should voice their concerns over his actions to other members of the school board and the superintendent.
The truth is, the Covid-19 pandemic is an ever evolving situation, one that most of us have not faced before. Information is constantly changing and most officials are just trying to make the best decision with the most current data they have. You are the parent of your child and you will have natural instincts that no official can replace. Ultimately, you need to listen to your gut instinct and make the decisions that are best for your family.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Photos of Exes
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Ask Alex : Photos of Exes
Lifestyle August 9, 2020
Hey Alex!
My girlfriend has pictures of all of her exes. I really wish she would get rid of them, but every time I bring it up to her, she refuses. We’ve had some really heated arguments about the pictures. It makes me feel like she values those photos over me. How do I get her to see that she needs to get rid of them?
Sincerely,
Big Picture
Hey Big Picture,
It would be very frustrating being the current boyfriend to see photos of her past companions, especially happy photos, but as a boyfriend there is not a lot you can do there. She has every right to hold onto what she values, and more than likely it is not her exes that she is valuing but the places that she went and the experiences that she had.
Memories are precious and a lot of times it is hard to let go of sentimental pieces related to those memories.
Now if she has photos displayed of exes throughout her place, that is another story. It is one thing for her to keep them stored away out of your view and a totally different ballgame for her to have them up for you to see every time you are there.
If they are displayed, I would just ask for the compromise of her taking them down. If she doesn’t, then you have to decide if it is worth it for you to stick around.
If they are packed away, I would wait and revisit the disagreement later. When you are seriously considering a proposal and if you are still bothered, I would bring it up then. When the two of you are planning on spending your entire future together, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to ask for the past to be let go.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Late Coworker
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Ask Alex : Late Coworker
Lifestyle August 2, 2020
Hey Alex!
My co-worker’s car is in the shop and I offered to give him a ride to work until it gets fixed. Last week he made me late two times. I am an on-time type person. I feel weird saying something to him about it because the situation is just temporary and he should have his car back in another week. At the same time, I don’t want to be late anymore. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Running Late
Hey Running Late!
Don’t feel weird or guilty about saying something to your coworker. The fact is, you are doing him a favor and that favor shouldn’t reflect negatively on your job performance.
More than likely, he isn’t doing anything to be late on purpose and is just unaware of how his actions are affecting you. Bringing it to his attention in a “no big deal, but” kind of way would be perfectly okay for you to do. This will cause him to be more self aware of how he is spending his time in the morning.
If you aren’t comfortable with the direct approach try an indirect route. Let him know that you are just needing to get to work a little bit early each day and see if he is okay with you picking him up earlier. This means you could arrive at his house 15 minutes (or however long you need) early and if he is running behind you would both still be to work on time. Worse case scenario with this approach is you would both arrive 15 minutes early.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : A Parent’s Intuition
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : A Parent’s Intuition
Lifestyle July 26, 2020
Hey Alex!
I started dating a new guy and when I decided he might be a keeper, I took him home to meet my parents. We had a great visit but afterwards I got a call from my dad. My dad told me that he didn’t really like my new boyfriend. When I asked him why, he just said that he didn’t know, he got a bad feeling from the guy. My dad has always gotten along with my boyfriends in the past and has never said anything like this to me. It’s really weirding me out! Should I dump the guy based on my dad’s “feeling”?
Sincerely,
Concerned
Hey Concerned,
In-tune parents tend to have pretty good intuition when it comes to the well being of their children. If this is something that is out of character for your dad, then you should definitely pay attention.
As you said, your dad has always gotten along with your boyfriends in the past and has never said anything like this to you before. This tells me that your dad had a strong enough feeling that he felt compelled to let you know.
It sounds like your relationship with the boyfriend is relatively new. In the beginning of any relationship, people are going to put their best foot forward. It’s when you both become relaxed that true colors will show, this is when you need to pay attention. If you truly like the guy, give it a little bit of time.
You don’t have to make a decision right away, but keep your eyes open and don’t hesitate to call it quits if your dad’s “feeling” turns out to be correct.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Open Relationships
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : Open Relationships
Lifestyle July 19, 2020
Hey Alex!
My boyfriend recently told me that he wants to try an open relationship. He said he doesn’t have anyone particular in mind but wants to have options if he were to find someone. I’m not sure that I’m cut out for this. I’ve always been pretty monogamous. I’m afraid if I tell him that an open relationship just isn’t for me, he’ll leave. I don’t want to share but I also don’t want to lose him. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Not Open To This
Hey Not Open To This!
Open relationships aren’t for everyone and to make an open relationship work both parties would need to agree that they both really want it. If both can’t agree on the want for an open relationship, it would lead to the relationship’s end eventually anyway.
So, you’re stuck at ending your relationship now and not compromising yourself, or ending it later. If you’re open to give the open relationship a trial run because you think you might enjoy it, then by all means go ahead but don’t do it to save your relationship.
Ask yourself why do you want to save the relationship if the two of you clearly have different values? Would he be willing to save the relationship for you and take the open relationship option off the table?
This is a situation where there probably isn’t any meeting in the middle. You will have to face the music and have a very direct and honest conversation with him about your feelings. He showed you enough respect to have an open and honest conversation about his feelings.
If you can’t come to terms, now would probably be the best time to call it quits before bitterness and anger have a chance to take hold. Right now you would be ending the relationship because of separate goals, which is a much better way than ending it because of hurt.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Apocalypse Survival Team
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : Apocalypse Survival Team
Just For Fun, Lifestyle July 12, 2020
Hey Alex!
My coworkers and I were playing a game where we could only choose 2 other coworkers for our apocalypse team and explaining why we picked who we did. I know, weird, right? So we get to the end of the discussion and I realise no one picked me! My question is, what skills should I learn so that I would be a top pick for an apocalypse team?
Sincerely,
Not Even Last Pick
Hey Not Even Last Pick!
Not weird at all! We should all plan for the best case apocalypse scenario. The question you need to ask yourself is what kind of apocalypse are you facing? Nuclear winter? Because if so, knowing plants and being able to grow things isn’t going to help you out. Are you in a city? Because there is a big difference between being able to live off the land and urban survival.
You need to develop a catch all skill. One that will be helpful in any situation or at the very least you need to be able to fake it until you make it.
So let’s look at a simple catch all skill….how about the art of silence. I’m not talking about the ability to shut up. I’m talking about the ability to move around freely without making a sound. You would be valuable in most situations. This skill would give you an advantage in hunting, scouting and escaping. Now, you would also need to be able to hunt and scout but take skill learning one step at a time.
Another catch all would be the art of bartering. Resources are going to become scarce. You’ll have to barter to get what you or your team needs. This takes someone who knows psychology and someone who can read a situation and make quick decisions. I recommend hitting any yard sale or flea market to sharpen this skill.
Now let’s address the fake it until you make it. People value intelligence. It’s not going to help you to be an expert in just one field though! Like I said, knowing plants and how to grow them will do nothing without the sun. So read up! Learn a bunch of random facts and some really good obscure ones. This seemingly endless knowledge on almost any subject should get you accepted into a group pretty quick and gain you access to their resources. Just make a quick exit before they catch on to you. We all learned a lesson from Eugene in the Walking Dead.
Lastly, you could just gain weight. People might see you as a source of food and pick you to be on their team. I don’t know how this will help you in the long run, but at least you’ll get picked.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Nosy Neighbors
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : Nosy Neighbors
Lifestyle July 5, 2020
Hey Alex!
I noticed you got something from Amazon today. That’s a lot of wood you bought. Are you about to start a project? I see you had company in for the weekend. What kind of plants are you planning on using in the flower bed?
I know she means well, but it’s too much! How do I let my nosy neighbor know that I don’t need her constant input? I don’t want to hurt her feelings.
Sincerely,
Over It
Hey Over It!
We’ve all been there at some point. Maybe not with a neighbor but with someone in our life who needs to know everything and offer their two cents.
You can always fortify your home to keep nosy neighbors out, but before going to that expense try the direct neighborly approach of talking.
I would recommend the self humbling approach at first. Try something along the lines of “Listen Karen, I’ve been a pretty private person all my life and to be honest I get a little uncomfortable sharing a lot with my friends or neighbors. I hope you understand”.
Follow this up with a friendly smile and a hello next time you encounter your neighbor so that they know it really isn’t anything personal against them.
If that doesn’t seem to do the trick, then just be more firm, “Listen Karen, I need my privacy. I’ll get together with you sometime soon to talk”. Repeat the friendly smile and hello on your next encounter.
It comes down to do you value your neighbor’s feelings over your sanity? Probably not, so you can’t worry about hurting their feelings. Of course, approach the situation with kindness but be sure that you make your boundaries perfectly clear.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Battle of the Thermostat
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Ask Alex : Battle of the Thermostat
Lifestyle June 28, 2020
Hey Alex!
We’re battling over the thermostat! My husband is constantly cold and I am constantly hot. I like to set it at a nice crisp 70 degrees and he likes it at a burning hot 74. How do I get him to quit messing with my perfect temperature setting?
Sincerely,
Hot and Bothered
Hey Hot and Bothered!
I feel your pain! And for the life of me I can’t figure out how to make someone stop touching the thermostat, but here are some tips you could try….
Depending on your age, you could blame your hot nature on menopause…. Maybe it is menopause? Usually, women troubles will shy a man away from pushing the issue any further. Really, you could just claim hormones all together and that would probably do the trick.
Being that there is a 4 degree difference, have you all tried setting it at 72 degrees? A compromise is always the best bet in a marriage. 72 might be just bearable enough for the both of you and would save you from resorting to devious tactics.
As a last resort, you could always purchase a lock-box to go over the thermostat. They seem to be inexpensive and readily available on Amazon. I found a bunch with just a quick Google search.
To Prevent Thermostat Tampering Click Here : Thermostat Guard
Whatever you do, you better do it quickly! He may purchase the lockbox first and then you are just stuck in your 74 degree dungeon.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Office Romance
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : Office Romance
Lifestyle June 21, 2020
Hey Alex!
I made the mistake of dating a coworker! Yuck! Obviously it ended badly and now we are both stuck working at the same place. Honestly, we can’t stand the sight of each other. I worked here almost a full year before he was hired and I love my job. I feel like he should be the one looking for a new job. Am I wrong?
Sincerely,
Never Again
Hey Never Again!
Yes, yes you are wrong. Unfortunately, life does not stop when a relationship ends and neither do jobs. He might love his job as much as you love yours and frankly, you cannot dictate his life. He has a right, just as you do, to keep working there.
Now, if there is a behavior that makes the workplace a hostile environment, then you definitely need to address this with your supervisor and let it be handled by the company. But… if the sight of him just grosses you out, then you are going to have to suck it up, or if you can’t, then you should be the one to look for a new job.
I would give it more time. It sounds like the breakup is relatively fresh. Time has a way of erasing pain and anger and you might find in another month or two, that you aren’t affected by his presence one way or the other.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : I Want A Dog
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