Ask Alex : A Sibling’s Smell

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Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Hey Alex!

I started dating a guy a couple of months ago and things are going really well, but there was always something that seemed off. I finally figured it out. He wears the same deodorant as my brother! Now, every time I am with him that’s all I notice! Every time I smell him, I think of my brother! Needless to say, it is killing the romance. I don’t want to weird him out by saying anything. Should I tell him he needs to switch deodorant?

Sincerely,

So Awkward

 

 

Hey So Awkward!

You should absolutely tell him, especially if you can’t get past it! Yes, admittedly it is a little weird of a subject to approach but if you are wanting to see where the relationship goes, it sounds like it will have to be approached. 

Studies have shown time and time again that smell is our sense that is most closely linked to memories. It has even been shown that smells can conjure up suppressed memories such as a childhood trauma. So, with the sense of smell being so strongly linked to memory and for that matter, emotion, of course it would be hard to get past dating someone who smells like a sibling.

I’ve found the best way to approach awkward conversations is through humor. Let your guy know up front that you’re about to talk some awkward truth to him and let him know this with a smile on your face. I would bet that not only will he switch that deodorant, but that the two of you will also have a great inside joke to share for a long while.

Sincerely, 

Alex

 

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Covid-19 and Schools

 

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to AskAlex@fetchyournews.com. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : Photos of Exes

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Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Hey Alex!

My girlfriend has pictures of all of her exes. I really wish she would get rid of them, but every time I bring it up to her, she refuses. We’ve had some really heated arguments about the pictures. It makes me feel like she values those photos over me. How do I get her to see that she needs to get rid of them?

Sincerely,
Big Picture

 

Hey Big Picture,

It would be very frustrating being the current boyfriend to see photos of her past companions, especially happy photos, but as a boyfriend there is not a lot you can do there. She has every right to hold onto what she values, and more than likely it is not her exes that she is valuing but the places that she went and the experiences that she had.

Memories are precious and a lot of times it is hard to let go of sentimental pieces related to those memories.

Now if she has photos displayed of exes throughout her place, that is another story. It is one thing for her to keep them stored away out of your view and a totally different ballgame for her to have them up for you to see every time you are there.

If they are displayed, I would just ask for the compromise of her taking them down. If she doesn’t, then you have to decide if it is worth it for you to stick around.

If they are packed away, I would wait and revisit the disagreement later. When you are seriously considering a proposal and if you are still bothered, I would bring it up then. When the two of you are planning on spending your entire future together, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to ask for the past to be let go.

Sincerely,
Alex

 

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Late Coworker

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Ask Alex : Late Coworker

Lifestyle
Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Hey Alex! 

My co-worker’s car is in the shop and I offered to give him a ride to work until it gets fixed. Last week he made me late two times. I am an on-time type person. I feel weird saying something to him about it because the situation is just temporary and he should have his car back in another week. At the same time, I don’t want to be late anymore. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Running Late

 

 

Hey Running Late!

Don’t feel weird or guilty about saying something to your coworker. The fact is, you are doing him a favor and that favor shouldn’t reflect negatively on your job performance. 

More than likely, he isn’t doing anything to be late on purpose and is just unaware of how his actions are affecting you. Bringing it to his attention in a “no big deal, but” kind of way would be perfectly okay for you to do. This will cause him to be more self aware of how he is spending his time in the morning.

If you aren’t comfortable with the direct approach try an indirect route. Let him know that you are just needing to get to work a little bit early each day and see if he is okay with you picking him up earlier. This means you could arrive at his house 15 minutes (or however long you need) early and if he is running behind you would both still be to work on time. Worse case scenario with this approach is you would both arrive 15 minutes early.

Sincerely,

Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : A Parent’s Intuition

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Ask Alex : A Parent’s Intuition

Lifestyle
Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Hey Alex!

I started dating a new guy and when I decided he might be a keeper, I took him home to meet my parents. We had a great visit but afterwards I got a call from my dad. My dad told me that he didn’t really like my new boyfriend. When I asked him why, he just said that he didn’t know, he got a bad feeling from the guy. My dad has always gotten along with my boyfriends in the past and has never said anything like this to me. It’s really weirding me out! Should I dump the guy based on my dad’s “feeling”?

Sincerely,
Concerned

 

Hey Concerned,

In-tune parents tend to have pretty good intuition when it comes to the well being of their children. If this is something that is out of character for your dad, then you should definitely pay attention.

As you said, your dad has always gotten along with your boyfriends in the past and has never said anything like this to you before. This tells me that your dad had a strong enough feeling that he felt compelled to let you know. 

It sounds like your relationship with the boyfriend is relatively new. In the beginning of any relationship, people are going to put their best foot forward. It’s when you both become relaxed that true colors will show, this is when you need to pay attention. If you truly like the guy, give it a little bit of time.

You don’t have to make a decision right away, but keep your eyes open and don’t hesitate to call it quits if your dad’s “feeling” turns out to be correct.

Sincerely,
Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Open Relationships

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Ask Alex : Open Relationships

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Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Hey Alex!

My boyfriend recently told me that he wants to try an open relationship. He said he doesn’t have anyone particular in mind but wants to have options if he were to find someone. I’m not sure that I’m cut out for this. I’ve always been pretty monogamous. I’m afraid if I tell him that an open relationship just isn’t for me, he’ll leave. I don’t want to share but I also don’t want to lose him. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Not Open To This

 

 

Hey Not Open To This!

Open relationships aren’t for everyone and to make an open relationship work both parties would need to agree that they both really want it. If both can’t agree on the want for an open relationship, it would lead to the relationship’s end eventually anyway.

So, you’re stuck at ending your relationship now and not compromising yourself, or ending it later. If you’re open to give the open relationship a trial run because you think you might enjoy it, then by all means go ahead but don’t do it to save your relationship.

Ask yourself why do you want to save the relationship if the two of you clearly have different values? Would he be willing to save the relationship for you and take the open relationship option off the table?

This is a situation where there probably isn’t any meeting in the middle. You will have to face the music and have a very direct and honest conversation with him about your feelings. He showed you enough respect to have an open and honest conversation about his feelings. 

If you can’t come to terms, now would probably be the best time to call it quits before bitterness and anger have a chance to take hold. Right now you would be ending the relationship because of separate goals, which is a much better way than ending it because of hurt. 

Sincerely,
Alex

 

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Apocalypse Survival Team

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Ask Alex : Nosy Neighbors

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Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Hey Alex!

I noticed you got something from Amazon today. That’s a lot of wood you bought. Are you about to start a project? I see you had company in for the weekend. What kind of plants are you planning on using in the flower bed? 

I know she means well, but it’s too much! How do I let my nosy neighbor know that I don’t need her constant input? I don’t want to hurt her feelings.

Sincerely,
Over It

 

Hey Over It!

We’ve all been there at some point. Maybe not with a neighbor but with someone in our life who needs to know everything and offer their two cents.

You can always fortify your home to keep nosy neighbors out, but before going to that expense try the direct neighborly approach of talking.

I would recommend the self humbling approach at first. Try something along the lines of “Listen Karen, I’ve been a pretty private person all my life and to be honest I get a little uncomfortable sharing a lot with my friends or neighbors. I hope you understand”.

Follow this up with a friendly smile and a hello next time you encounter your neighbor so that they know it really isn’t anything personal against them.

If that doesn’t seem to do the trick, then just be more firm, “Listen Karen, I need my privacy. I’ll get together with you sometime soon to talk”.  Repeat the friendly smile and hello on your next encounter.

It comes down to do you value your neighbor’s feelings over your sanity? Probably not, so you can’t worry about hurting their feelings. Of course, approach the situation with kindness but be sure that you make your boundaries perfectly clear. 

Sincerely,
Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Battle of the Thermostat

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Ask Alex : Battle of the Thermostat

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Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Hey Alex!

We’re battling over the thermostat! My husband is constantly cold and I am constantly hot. I like to set it at a nice crisp 70 degrees and he likes it at a burning hot 74. How do I get him to quit messing with my perfect temperature setting?

Sincerely,
Hot and Bothered

 

 

Hey Hot and Bothered!

I feel your pain! And for the life of me I can’t figure out how to make someone stop touching the thermostat, but here are some tips you could try…. 

Depending on your age, you could blame your hot nature on menopause…. Maybe it is menopause? Usually, women troubles will shy a man away from pushing the issue any further. Really, you could just claim hormones all together and that would probably do the trick.

Being that there is a 4 degree difference, have you all tried setting it at 72 degrees? A compromise is always the best bet in a marriage. 72 might be just bearable enough for the both of you and would save you from resorting to devious tactics.

As a last resort, you could always purchase a lock-box to go over the thermostat. They seem to be inexpensive and readily available on Amazon. I found a bunch with just a quick Google search.

To Prevent Thermostat Tampering Click Here : Thermostat Guard

Whatever you do, you better do it quickly! He may purchase the lockbox first and then you are just stuck in your 74 degree dungeon.

Sincerely,
Alex

 

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Office Romance

 

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Ask Alex : Office Romance

Lifestyle
Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Hey Alex!

I made the mistake of dating a coworker! Yuck! Obviously it ended badly and now we are both stuck working at the same place. Honestly, we can’t stand the sight of each other. I worked here almost a full year before he was hired and I love my job. I feel like he should be the one looking for a new job. Am I wrong?

Sincerely,
Never Again

 

Hey Never Again!

Yes, yes you are wrong. Unfortunately, life does not stop when a relationship ends and neither do jobs. He might love his job as much as you love yours and frankly, you cannot dictate his life. He has a right, just as you do, to keep working there.

Now, if there is a behavior that makes the workplace a hostile environment, then you definitely need to address this with your supervisor and let it be handled by the company. But… if the sight of him just grosses you out, then you are going to have to suck it up, or if you can’t, then you should be the one to look for a new job.

I would give it more time. It sounds like the breakup is relatively fresh. Time has a way of erasing pain and anger and you might find in another month or two, that you aren’t affected by his presence one way or the other.

Sincerely,
Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : I Want A Dog

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Ask Alex : I Want A Dog

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Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Hey Alex! 

I have wanted a dog for as long as I can remember! I constantly search rescue websites looking for that perfect companion. When I was younger I always lived in apartments that wouldn’t allow pets, but now I own my own house, with my husband…. Therein lies my problem. He is just not a dog person and won’t budge on not wanting a dog in the house. Recently, I found a little guy that I think would be perfect for us, but I keep getting a very stern no from my other half.

What should I do? Would it be horrible if I just adopted the dog anyway? I’ve always heard it’s better to ask forgiveness than to get permission.

Sincerely,
Needing A Pup

 

Hey Needing A Pup!

I’m going to go ahead and stop you in your tracks. In this situation it is absolutely NOT better to ask for forgiveness than to get permission. Adopting a pet is a huge commitment in all aspects of your life. It will change how you operate day-to-day. It will change if you and when you can plan vacations and events. Not to mention the financial responsibility that comes with being a pet owner and these are just the practical areas that will be impacted, not the emotional impacts that would come and probably trouble your marriage.

Adopting a pet is a lifetime commitment for that pet. What would you do if your husband is so angry he says it’s me or the dog? Would you just give up on the dog? What if this moment comes down the road when you have had time to bond with your pet? Would you be able to take him or her back to the shelter?

It sounds like your husband has been very clear on his feelings about getting a dog from go, which means you still chose to be with him knowing that you might never be able to own your own dog. 

I would recommend that you take time to volunteer at a shelter and try to get your puppy fix without bringing one home.  Another possibility that you could speak with your husband about is fostering. 

Rescues are always looking for foster homes, and the thought of the dog only being at your house temporarily might be something that your husband would be down to do. If fostering goes well he might just change his mind and be open to adopting a permanent four legged family member.

Sincerely,
Alex

 

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Where to Eat?

https://sundayedition.fetchyournews.com/2020/06/07/ask-alex-where-to-eat/

 

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to AskAlex@fetchyournews.com. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : Where to Eat?

Lifestyle
Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Hey Alex!

It’s time to tackle the oldest question among couples. An ancient mystery passed down from generation to generation, one that has gone unanswered for centuries… Where does my boyfriend want to go for dinner?!

He thinks he’s being polite letting me decide, but I just don’t want to make a decision after working all day.

 So, oh great sage, where should we go?

 

Sincerely,
Tired and Hungry

 

 

Hey Tired and Hungry!

When in doubt, avoid take out! I understand being tired at the end of a long day and not wanting to make that one last decision….you don’t care, you just need to eat. 

Keep your kitchen stocked with some quick and easy fixes for these occasions. You never can go wrong with just a good old fashioned sandwich and chips kind of night. 

Save the going out for dinner decision for when the both of you have time to plan ahead on your destination.

Sincerely,
Alex

P.S. He’s not being polite. He doesn’t want to make the decision either.

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Age Gap Dating

 

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Ask Alex : Age Gap Dating

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Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Hey Alex!

How much of a difference is too much? I’m in my upper thirties, and I have started dating this guy in his mid-twenties. Not going to go into it more than that.

 I’m a little hesitant, it feels strange, but I like him. Am I too old? Should I move on? It’s not like he’s underage, right? Why do I feel weird about this?

Sincerely,
Feeling My Age

 

Hey Feeling My Age!

How much of a difference is too much? When it’s illegal or when your own morals tell you “no”.  If both parties are happy in a legal relationship, then keep on keeping on. 

Large age gaps could put a whole other set of obstacles on  relationships that dating someone your own age might not. I mean statistically, men reach full maturity much later than woman….

Do be aware that you can’t put expectations on a person of a different age based on where you are in your life. Were you a different person in your twenties? Of course you were and as long as you keep this in mind and don’t set expectations that he should be someone he’s not, then you’re fine.

Many relationships with age gaps do work out as long as you and your partner stay on the same page.  

Sincerely,
Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Wedding Guests

 

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Ask Alex : Wedding Guests

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Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Hey Alex!

I need your help! I am in the process of planning my wedding and to be honest there are certain family members that I just don’t want there. My mom is insisting that I invite them, but they haven’t been good to me or my parents. I am older and me and my soon to be husband are paying for everything for our big day.  I really don’t want these family members there and I for sure don’t want to pay for them to attend the reception dinner. What should I do? Am I being petty?

Sincerely,
Making Plans

 

 

Hey Making Plans!

Wait, who’s paying for it? There lies your answer…your money, your day, your guests. The simple fact is that if you are paying for it, you do it how you want to. 

With that being said, is leaving these guests off the list going to cause a rift between you and your mom? Because if so, I would like to give you a little bit more advice. It’s not worth it to stick to your principals on this one and risk losing a close relationship with your mother.

If these guests aren’t going to ruin your day by causing a scene, you honestly probably won’t even notice that they are there. You will be so busy, focused on your day and your husband and your loved ones (that you enjoy), that the others won’t stand out.

If it is a big deal to your mother that these individuals are invited, approach her with a compromise. Just let her know that you have a set budget for your event and you simply cannot put more money in to cover the added expenses. If she feels so strongly about them being there she can pony up the cash for them to come.

Sincerely,
Alex

 

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Family Heirlooms

 

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to AskAlex@fetchyournews.com. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : Am I in too deep?

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Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Hey Alex,

I have an addiction, but it is not drugs or alcohol or anything illegal. It is a huge part of my life, and I feel great when I am doing this hobby. I am not a very social person, and I have a small group of friends that join me regularly in this hobby. It is not ruining my life, I have a job and all, but I have had a relationship or two ruined over the years because I am so dedicated to this hobby. Am I really in too deep, or am I just overreacting?

Sincerely,

Need Direction

 

Hey Direction,

This is an issue that so many people deal with and everyone at some point has to decide to what extent they want to continue with their passion. I don’t feel that you are overreacting or that you are in too deep, but merely at a point of self reflection.

Your hobby isn’t ruining your life based on your own account, but it is ruining an aspect of your life that you feel like you need. You are going to need to find balance to have both, and this balance is going to come in one of two ways.

The first would be to start limiting your time with your hobby before looking for a relationship. Get into a pattern of “OK, I am only going to devote this much time to my interest in a week”. Be upfront with a potential significant other about the time you set aside for yourself, and stick to it. This way there are no expectations that aren’t being met down the road; your new love will know going into the relationship that “this is their hobby time”.

The other option of course is to find someone that is as passionate about your hobby as you are. In this day and age, with the use of the internet, our world is a lot larger, and finding someone with your interests is easier than ever. Perhaps if this person is out there, you wouldn’t have to modify at all, and grow a relationship based on mutual interests.

Sincerely,

Alex

 

Click Here to read last week’s Ask Alex : When did I cross the line?

 

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