Ask Alex : Dating after death of a spouse

Just For Fun, Lifestyle
Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Hey Alex!

When is it too soon to date again? I lost the love of my life to cancer a little over a year ago. She was my everything and she was everything to our kids. I’ve dealt with the loneliness by being extra invested in my girls but my youngest is going off to college next year and I will truly be alone. I haven’t really been interested in finding someone new but being completely by myself scares me. I feel like I need to get back out there but I’m afraid it’s too soon and I don’t want my kids to feel like I am trying to rush to replace their mom.

Sincerely,

I Still Miss Her

 

Hey I Still Miss Her!

I am so sorry for your loss. Some people in our lives are truly irreplaceable and you need to first accept that you will not be replacing anyone. When the time comes to date again realize that you are building something new and not filling what is gone.

There is no time frame that is acceptable when it comes to dating after loss, whether due to death or even divorce. Everyone is different and you will know when you are ready. It sounds like you aren’t though and that is perfectly okay too.

Don’t date someone just to fill the void of loneliness. Instead go out and make friends. Find new hobbies or interests to focus on and find like minded people to do these things with. Friends and family can help rebuild you while you grieve. A relationship, if you aren’t ready, is only going to provide a band-aid for the hurt that you still need to process.

When the time is right you will know it and when the person is right you will know it then too. 

Your girls are older. Have a talk with them when the time comes and you start dating again. Let them know that you still love their mother very much and are not trying to replace her. They will want you to be happy and even though they will have to go through their own processing of the situation, eventually they will understand.

Sincerely,

Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : I’m in love and he is moving

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : I’m in love and he is moving

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Hey Alex! 

I recently met a guy who I know is moving across the country in a month. We’ve gone out a few times and really like him so much! I’m afraid too much. I’m getting attached and I know it’s going to hurt when he leaves. I’m afraid to spend any more time with him while he’s still here but I also want to see him so bad. I don’t want to waste my time getting attached knowing that he is just going to leave. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Falling in Love

 

Hey Falling In Love!

Get those feelings in check! You knew going into it that your time together would probably be short. Be happy that you are getting to spend some time with someone who makes you have the feels and don’t worry so much about what the future holds.

Every relationship is a chance to learn and to grow. This sounds like an opportunity for you to work on managing your emotions to be able to get the most out of any given situation. If you can focus on just being in the present moment without expectations you will enjoy your time so much more.

This might be a chance to see what you do want from a relationship and give you a basis of comparison so that you don’t settle in the future. It also might be a chance to gain a life long friend.

Speaking of the future, you have no way of knowing exactly what that holds for you or for him. The future doesn’t exist because it hasn’t happened yet. So there is always a possibility that he is the one, but I am a firm believer in what is meant to be, will be. Don’t try to force it and for sure don’t worry about it.

I wouldn’t write him off because you are scared of feeling hypothetically hurt down the road. Instead, enjoy the time you have with him and take it for what it is. Feel grateful that in the present moment you are spending your time with someone who makes you feel good.

Sincerely,

Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Should I report the coach?

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : Drama Queen

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Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Hey Alex!

I have a friend who is constant drama. She is always on the verge of a crisis according to her but she does absolutely nothing to fix her problems and just acts like she never said a thing to me to begin with. When her life isn’t in peril she will gossip about all the rumors she has heard about everyone else. She’s actually a really good person and has been a good friend at times but all the negativity wears on me. I don’t know what to do. I want to continue being her friend but I don’t know that I can deal with all the gossip and drama.

Sincerely,

Over It

 

Hey Over It!

First off you don’t have to have any person in your life as a friend if you don’t want them to be there. If it truly is weighing on you too much or affecting your mood or well being just cut ties. Or at least keep your contact to a bare minimum.

If you are wanting to stay in the friendship, you need to set your boundaries. When she starts to gossip, be very straightforward with her and let her know that you really don’t want to talk about other people. You don’t have to give your reasons, just that it is not a conversation you are interested in having.

When it comes to her personal drama you are stuck if you want to continue being friends. Part of being a good friend is listening and being there for one another. So even if you know she is making her life seem overly dramatic, in a friendship it is not really your job to judge but rather to just listen.

So you need to decide if her negativity outweighs the good she contributes to your life. If the negativity does then move on and surround yourself with more positive friends. If her friendship is more important than the drama, make it clear you don’t want to hear about anyone else’s problems other than hers.

Sincerely,

Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Moving In Together

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : Moving In Together

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Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Hey Alex!

I’ve been talking to a girl online for a little over a month. She lives in Maryland and I live in Georgia. We want to be together and she said she would move down here to be with me. And she could move here soon! Like within a month. When I told my friend about her moving here, he wasn’t happy for me at all. It really made me mad but also made me wonder if I am taking things too fast. Should I ask her to wait to move here?

Sincerely,

In Love

 

Hey In Love!

There is nothing wrong with waiting and absolutely everything could go wrong if you rush this move. 

Since you met online and I am assuming not in person, you really need to question how much you know her. Even in new relationships where you see each other on a regular basis, you don’t get to truly know someone for quite a while since most people will put their best foot forward in the beginning.

Truthfully you might not know this girl at all. Being that the relationship has been online (and maybe through text and phone) gives her a bit of anonymity and could allow her to create a persona that is nowhere near who she really is. You are not there in person to witness any different.

You also need to question what type of person would be able to just pick up and move across the country in such a short timeframe and for someone she barely knows.

Most people have obligations that would tie them to an area.  A job, a mortgage, a lease, to name a few. Has she explained why she has none of these ties? If she is willing to break serious obligations so easily, you should also wonder about how seriously she takes responsibilities and commitments.

Lastly, when she moves here all she will have is you. That means, at least initially, she will be relying heavily on you emotionally and possibly financially. If things don’t work out, how will you handle the situation? Will you feel guilt that will lock you into a relationship that you don’t want to be in?

It sounds like you have a good friend who is just watching out for you. Slow down. There is no need to act when good feelings are still high from the newness of the relationship. 

Sincerely,

Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Still Friends with an Ex

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : Still Friends with an Ex

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Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Hey Alex!

I’ve been dating my current boyfriend for a couple of months and recently found out that one of his best friends is also his ex. They dated for 2 years and broke up about a year before him and I got together. I’ve met her several times but didn’t know at the time that she was his ex. Now I feel uncomfortable with their relationship. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Insecure

 

Hey Insecure!

That would make most people uncomfortable but it’s not necessarily the devastating conclusion that most would jump to in their minds. I know the thoughts that you probably having. What if he decides he wants to get back with her? They seem like they get along better than we do. And so on. This situation would make even the most secure question and compare.

With that being said, there are a few things that you need to pause and consider before being uncomfortable. First, he has introduced you to her and it sounds like on several occasions. I’m also assuming that before finding out their past, you were ok with her being his best friend.

This probably means that you didn’t pick up on any threatening vibes from her and that she made you feel welcome or at least comfortable. This is a good thing! She doesn’t appear to be stuck on him as far as an emotional attachment from their relationship and doesn’t seem to be trying to win him back.

Also, consider the length of time since they broke up. It’s been a year which means that probably one, if not both have dated other people in that time, meaning you more than likely are not the first new significant other since their relationship’s end. If her being around didn’t break up these new relationships for them, then it is unlikely that her presence will break up yours.

Talk to him. Find out more about their past and how they are able to be such good friends now. You might gain some insight into an event that puts things in better perspective for you.

And of course if it still makes you uncomfortable, you don’t have to stay. You have the option of leaving at any point. For now though I would push aside your insecurities and take a step back to see if what you’re feeling is warranted.

Sincerely,

Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : My Dad’s Young Girlfriend

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex Will Return Next Week

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Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Alex will return next week to offer up advice on all of life’s questions!

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Passions and Causes

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : Should that be on Facebook?

Just For Fun, Lifestyle
Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Hey Alex!

Am I just getting old or do people post way too much personal information on social media? You had a baby, great! You’re eating that for dinner, cool. You’re “lookin’ fine” for court…. I can’t even. 

Sincerely,

Save Some Secrets

 

Hey Save Some Secrets!

Apparently I am getting old too, because I could not agree with you more. What happened to the days when you actually had to meet and get to know someone? 

Unfortunately, people have become addicted to the “likes” and attention they garner from social media. People have forgotten what it is like to actually have a private life and have grown so accustomed to social media interactions that they feel they are sharing with close friends. In reality, they are not.

Don’t get me wrong social media is a great way to connect and an even better way to stay in touch with friends and family, but we should take a step back and become more aware of what we post.

We do need to keep in mind that not everyone has the same social code. So what is completely inappropriate for most (example, sharing the details of a nasty breakup publicly) might be the norm for others. 

What everyone needs to consider before making any post is that once it is on the internet, it is more than likely there forever. Don’t become secure in the fact that your profile is set to private or that you have blocked that individual. There are so many privacy loopholes that being completely secure on social media is just not an option. In other words, do you really want a future employer knowing about your third DUI?

All you can really do is be aware of your own postings and if you find someone else’s post to be distasteful, do not encourage them or discourage them, simply scroll on. 

Sincerely,

Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : When to say I Love You

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : When to say I love you

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Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Hey Alex!

When is it too soon to tell someone you love them? I have been dating a girl for several months now and we spend all of our spare time together. I know that I am falling hard for her but I can’t get a read on how she feels. I just want so badly to tell her that I love her but I’m afraid that if she doesn’t feel that strongly for me then it will scare her off. The last thing I want to do is lose her at this point. What should I do?

Sincerely,

In Love

 

Hey In Love!

If you are in love and in it for the long haul then there is no reason that you have to rush to tell your girlfriend that you love her. It never hurts to take your time and let things unfold naturally. Waiting would also allow you time to make sure that these feelings are true and not just from the infatuation of something new.

I would also reflect on why you have the urge to tell her that you are in love. Is it because you simply are overwhelmed with these feelings and need to get them out or are you hoping that she will respond with an I love you in return and validate your feelings and the relationship?

More often than not, when people enter into relationships where there is a connection, things are exciting and new, not to mention everyone is putting their best foot forward. It’s during this stage that emotions can run high and sometimes these emotions can be misleading. Time shows everyone’s true self and will also reveal true feelings.

I would recommend taking a step back from the emotional urges and let everything play out as it will. Try to enjoy each moment together as it happens without adding pressure on yourself or worrying about the what ifs. If the timing is right, the I love you will come naturally.

Sincerely, 

Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Passions and Causes

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : Who Did You Vote For?

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Hey Alex!

I voted! I have a coworker who constantly talks politics with me but we have VERY differing views. He doesn’t know it because I usually just listen to him and nod politely and act like I am on the fence about a lot of issues. To me, it’s not worth arguing over. I know he is going to ask me who I ended up voting for and I know if I told him the truth, he would probably not speak to me anymore. What should I do? I don’t want to lie to the guy just to keep the peace.

Sincerely,

Uncomfortable

 

Hey Uncomfortable!

There is a reason that you go into the poll booth alone and privately vote the way that you feel is best. I have yet to see a precinct in America where one just walks in and publicly shouts their favorite candidate in front of the crowd to cast their vote. The reason is so that you can vote the way you feel without being pressured by outside influences. 

Unfortunately, people seem to have forgotten this. It is now the norm to pressure your friends and family politically via conversation or social media and what’s worse is knowing that there is no longer tolerance from the masses for opposing views.

You don’t need to lie to your coworker. The fact of the matter is that who you voted for is not his or anyone else’s business. Just simply tell him, “I’d rather not say” and give a smile. Let him interpret that however he feels. If he keeps pressuring you for an answer, firmly but kindly let him know that you really don’t want to share because you don’t want to ruin any of your relationships at work over politics.

You are correct in valuing a personal relationship over politics because while politics and policy affect all of our lives, at the end of the day our personal relationships offer us the true support we need to make it through life.

Sincerely,

Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Survivor’s Guilt

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Ask Alex : A Sibling’s Smell

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Hey Alex!

I started dating a guy a couple of months ago and things are going really well, but there was always something that seemed off. I finally figured it out. He wears the same deodorant as my brother! Now, every time I am with him that’s all I notice! Every time I smell him, I think of my brother! Needless to say, it is killing the romance. I don’t want to weird him out by saying anything. Should I tell him he needs to switch deodorant?

Sincerely,

So Awkward

 

 

Hey So Awkward!

You should absolutely tell him, especially if you can’t get past it! Yes, admittedly it is a little weird of a subject to approach but if you are wanting to see where the relationship goes, it sounds like it will have to be approached. 

Studies have shown time and time again that smell is our sense that is most closely linked to memories. It has even been shown that smells can conjure up suppressed memories such as a childhood trauma. So, with the sense of smell being so strongly linked to memory and for that matter, emotion, of course it would be hard to get past dating someone who smells like a sibling.

I’ve found the best way to approach awkward conversations is through humor. Let your guy know up front that you’re about to talk some awkward truth to him and let him know this with a smile on your face. I would bet that not only will he switch that deodorant, but that the two of you will also have a great inside joke to share for a long while.

Sincerely, 

Alex

 

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Covid-19 and Schools

 

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : Photos of Exes

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Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Hey Alex!

My girlfriend has pictures of all of her exes. I really wish she would get rid of them, but every time I bring it up to her, she refuses. We’ve had some really heated arguments about the pictures. It makes me feel like she values those photos over me. How do I get her to see that she needs to get rid of them?

Sincerely,
Big Picture

 

Hey Big Picture,

It would be very frustrating being the current boyfriend to see photos of her past companions, especially happy photos, but as a boyfriend there is not a lot you can do there. She has every right to hold onto what she values, and more than likely it is not her exes that she is valuing but the places that she went and the experiences that she had.

Memories are precious and a lot of times it is hard to let go of sentimental pieces related to those memories.

Now if she has photos displayed of exes throughout her place, that is another story. It is one thing for her to keep them stored away out of your view and a totally different ballgame for her to have them up for you to see every time you are there.

If they are displayed, I would just ask for the compromise of her taking them down. If she doesn’t, then you have to decide if it is worth it for you to stick around.

If they are packed away, I would wait and revisit the disagreement later. When you are seriously considering a proposal and if you are still bothered, I would bring it up then. When the two of you are planning on spending your entire future together, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to ask for the past to be let go.

Sincerely,
Alex

 

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Late Coworker

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : Late Coworker

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Hey Alex! 

My co-worker’s car is in the shop and I offered to give him a ride to work until it gets fixed. Last week he made me late two times. I am an on-time type person. I feel weird saying something to him about it because the situation is just temporary and he should have his car back in another week. At the same time, I don’t want to be late anymore. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Running Late

 

 

Hey Running Late!

Don’t feel weird or guilty about saying something to your coworker. The fact is, you are doing him a favor and that favor shouldn’t reflect negatively on your job performance. 

More than likely, he isn’t doing anything to be late on purpose and is just unaware of how his actions are affecting you. Bringing it to his attention in a “no big deal, but” kind of way would be perfectly okay for you to do. This will cause him to be more self aware of how he is spending his time in the morning.

If you aren’t comfortable with the direct approach try an indirect route. Let him know that you are just needing to get to work a little bit early each day and see if he is okay with you picking him up earlier. This means you could arrive at his house 15 minutes (or however long you need) early and if he is running behind you would both still be to work on time. Worse case scenario with this approach is you would both arrive 15 minutes early.

Sincerely,

Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : A Parent’s Intuition

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : A Parent’s Intuition

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Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Hey Alex!

I started dating a new guy and when I decided he might be a keeper, I took him home to meet my parents. We had a great visit but afterwards I got a call from my dad. My dad told me that he didn’t really like my new boyfriend. When I asked him why, he just said that he didn’t know, he got a bad feeling from the guy. My dad has always gotten along with my boyfriends in the past and has never said anything like this to me. It’s really weirding me out! Should I dump the guy based on my dad’s “feeling”?

Sincerely,
Concerned

 

Hey Concerned,

In-tune parents tend to have pretty good intuition when it comes to the well being of their children. If this is something that is out of character for your dad, then you should definitely pay attention.

As you said, your dad has always gotten along with your boyfriends in the past and has never said anything like this to you before. This tells me that your dad had a strong enough feeling that he felt compelled to let you know. 

It sounds like your relationship with the boyfriend is relatively new. In the beginning of any relationship, people are going to put their best foot forward. It’s when you both become relaxed that true colors will show, this is when you need to pay attention. If you truly like the guy, give it a little bit of time.

You don’t have to make a decision right away, but keep your eyes open and don’t hesitate to call it quits if your dad’s “feeling” turns out to be correct.

Sincerely,
Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Open Relationships

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : Open Relationships

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Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Hey Alex!

My boyfriend recently told me that he wants to try an open relationship. He said he doesn’t have anyone particular in mind but wants to have options if he were to find someone. I’m not sure that I’m cut out for this. I’ve always been pretty monogamous. I’m afraid if I tell him that an open relationship just isn’t for me, he’ll leave. I don’t want to share but I also don’t want to lose him. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Not Open To This

 

 

Hey Not Open To This!

Open relationships aren’t for everyone and to make an open relationship work both parties would need to agree that they both really want it. If both can’t agree on the want for an open relationship, it would lead to the relationship’s end eventually anyway.

So, you’re stuck at ending your relationship now and not compromising yourself, or ending it later. If you’re open to give the open relationship a trial run because you think you might enjoy it, then by all means go ahead but don’t do it to save your relationship.

Ask yourself why do you want to save the relationship if the two of you clearly have different values? Would he be willing to save the relationship for you and take the open relationship option off the table?

This is a situation where there probably isn’t any meeting in the middle. You will have to face the music and have a very direct and honest conversation with him about your feelings. He showed you enough respect to have an open and honest conversation about his feelings. 

If you can’t come to terms, now would probably be the best time to call it quits before bitterness and anger have a chance to take hold. Right now you would be ending the relationship because of separate goals, which is a much better way than ending it because of hurt. 

Sincerely,
Alex

 

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Apocalypse Survival Team

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Ask Alex : Nosy Neighbors

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Hey Alex!

I noticed you got something from Amazon today. That’s a lot of wood you bought. Are you about to start a project? I see you had company in for the weekend. What kind of plants are you planning on using in the flower bed? 

I know she means well, but it’s too much! How do I let my nosy neighbor know that I don’t need her constant input? I don’t want to hurt her feelings.

Sincerely,
Over It

 

Hey Over It!

We’ve all been there at some point. Maybe not with a neighbor but with someone in our life who needs to know everything and offer their two cents.

You can always fortify your home to keep nosy neighbors out, but before going to that expense try the direct neighborly approach of talking.

I would recommend the self humbling approach at first. Try something along the lines of “Listen Karen, I’ve been a pretty private person all my life and to be honest I get a little uncomfortable sharing a lot with my friends or neighbors. I hope you understand”.

Follow this up with a friendly smile and a hello next time you encounter your neighbor so that they know it really isn’t anything personal against them.

If that doesn’t seem to do the trick, then just be more firm, “Listen Karen, I need my privacy. I’ll get together with you sometime soon to talk”.  Repeat the friendly smile and hello on your next encounter.

It comes down to do you value your neighbor’s feelings over your sanity? Probably not, so you can’t worry about hurting their feelings. Of course, approach the situation with kindness but be sure that you make your boundaries perfectly clear. 

Sincerely,
Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Battle of the Thermostat

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : Battle of the Thermostat

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Hey Alex!

We’re battling over the thermostat! My husband is constantly cold and I am constantly hot. I like to set it at a nice crisp 70 degrees and he likes it at a burning hot 74. How do I get him to quit messing with my perfect temperature setting?

Sincerely,
Hot and Bothered

 

 

Hey Hot and Bothered!

I feel your pain! And for the life of me I can’t figure out how to make someone stop touching the thermostat, but here are some tips you could try…. 

Depending on your age, you could blame your hot nature on menopause…. Maybe it is menopause? Usually, women troubles will shy a man away from pushing the issue any further. Really, you could just claim hormones all together and that would probably do the trick.

Being that there is a 4 degree difference, have you all tried setting it at 72 degrees? A compromise is always the best bet in a marriage. 72 might be just bearable enough for the both of you and would save you from resorting to devious tactics.

As a last resort, you could always purchase a lock-box to go over the thermostat. They seem to be inexpensive and readily available on Amazon. I found a bunch with just a quick Google search.

To Prevent Thermostat Tampering Click Here : Thermostat Guard

Whatever you do, you better do it quickly! He may purchase the lockbox first and then you are just stuck in your 74 degree dungeon.

Sincerely,
Alex

 

 

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