Ask Alex : Dating after death of a spouse
Just For Fun, Lifestyle May 9, 2021
Hey Alex!
When is it too soon to date again? I lost the love of my life to cancer a little over a year ago. She was my everything and she was everything to our kids. I’ve dealt with the loneliness by being extra invested in my girls but my youngest is going off to college next year and I will truly be alone. I haven’t really been interested in finding someone new but being completely by myself scares me. I feel like I need to get back out there but I’m afraid it’s too soon and I don’t want my kids to feel like I am trying to rush to replace their mom.
Sincerely,
I Still Miss Her
Hey I Still Miss Her!
I am so sorry for your loss. Some people in our lives are truly irreplaceable and you need to first accept that you will not be replacing anyone. When the time comes to date again realize that you are building something new and not filling what is gone.
There is no time frame that is acceptable when it comes to dating after loss, whether due to death or even divorce. Everyone is different and you will know when you are ready. It sounds like you aren’t though and that is perfectly okay too.
Don’t date someone just to fill the void of loneliness. Instead go out and make friends. Find new hobbies or interests to focus on and find like minded people to do these things with. Friends and family can help rebuild you while you grieve. A relationship, if you aren’t ready, is only going to provide a band-aid for the hurt that you still need to process.
When the time is right you will know it and when the person is right you will know it then too.
Your girls are older. Have a talk with them when the time comes and you start dating again. Let them know that you still love their mother very much and are not trying to replace her. They will want you to be happy and even though they will have to go through their own processing of the situation, eventually they will understand.
Sincerely,
Alex
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Ask Alex : Should I report the coach?
Just For Fun, Lifestyle April 25, 2021
Hey Alex!
Recently my daughter told me that she heard a rumor that her soccer coach was sleeping with one of the girls on the team. I asked her who she heard it from and if she thought it was true. She told me that she didn’t know if it was true or not. I’m struggling with whether or not I should say something to the school. He has been her coach for the entire four years of her high schooling and always seemed like such a nice man. I don’t want to damage or ruin his reputation over a rumor. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Torn
Hey Torn!
This is one of those situations where you can’t worry about ruining someone’s reputation. You need to report this to the school. This is a person who has been hired not only to coach but to also look out for the well being of the children he comes in contact with.
Report it in a discrete manner to the administration of your daughter’s school. The school should in return conduct a discrete investigation into the matter.
If it is found to just be a rumor with no credibility then things should carry on as usual with most being none the wiser to what was said about this coach.
While I’m sure a rumor of such nature could be very hurtful to the coach on a personal level, also consider that if he is innocent of the allegations he would want to address it and clear his name.
A teacher or coach chooses their profession and it is expected of them to uphold their respective duties to the highest degree. They have a great influence in shaping our children and preparing them for life. Any coach or teacher should be one that not only the children can trust but that the parents can trust as well.
Sincerely,
Alex
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Ask Alex : My kid is bad at everything he tries
Lifestyle February 21, 2021
Hey Alex!
I’ll just cut to the chase. I have an 11 year old boy and the kid just isn’t good at anything! I’m not talking about in school or around the house but with any extracurricular activities. We’ve tried sports. We’ve tried musical instruments. We’ve tried hunting. He’s just really bad at everything he tries and he doesn’t seem to catch on at all. Eventually he wants to quit everything because it just gets frustrating for him and I always let him quit. Even though I am his parent there is no doubting his lack of ability. I’m beginning to wonder though if letting him quit each time is doing more harm than good. He is choosing the activities that he wants to try and at this point I don’t even make recommendations to him anymore. We just signed up for Spring baseball. So should I make him stick with it even if he clearly isn’t getting it and isn’t having fun anymore?
Sincerely,
At A Loss
Hey At A Loss!
That must be very frustrating to have to witness as a parent and probably adding up in financial cost with all the failed hobbies. One thing that I like and would like to point out is that your boy doesn’t seem to get too discouraged and just moves on to the next! That is an awesome trait to have especially at such a young age.
Normally I would say allowing a child to quit is not the best route to go. In making them stick with it you are also teaching a valuable lesson about commitments and seeing things through. In your case, however, because your boy seems to never give up on himself and moves on to the next activity, I’m not sure that making him stick it out is best.
It sounds like he is just searching for something that he will excel at and ultimately bring him a little happiness to participate in.
Maybe you could talk to him and set a predetermined exit time for each activity, instead of just allowing him to quit when he has had enough.
For example with Spring baseball, let him know that if he wants to try it out he will have to stick with it no matter what for the entire season. Just explain to him that joining a team is making a commitment to that team.
This would make you not a “bad parent” in his eyes for forcing him to continue and still gives him ultimate control on whether or not he would want to participate. You never know, maybe something will click for him after his giving up point if he just stays with it a little bit longer!
Sincerely,
Alex
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Ask Alex : Coming Out
Lifestyle February 7, 2021
Hey Alex!
This year will mark 20 years of marriage. I have one child that is somewhat grown. She will be 18 this year. The problem I’m having is that I am gay. I’ve always known this but when I got married, being gay was not socially acceptable. I’ve never cheated on my wife but it is something that I struggle with. Recently I met a man that made me realize I no longer want to live a lie. I don’t want to devastate my wife or my daughter but I need to be free and my biggest fear is losing them all together. I want them both to always be a part of my life. How do I tell them?
Sincerely,
In The Closet
Hey In The Closet!
The only way to tell them is to be completely honest. You can’t control how they react but you can control how you react to their reactions.
I would definitely recommend telling your wife first and do it in private with no chance of interruption. Be honest with her about your feelings, not only about being gay but also about your feelings for her and your fear of loss. Be prepared for her to react. More than likely she is going to feel hurt and betrayed. At the same time, don’t be totally shocked if she tells you she kind of knew all along. There really is no predicting how a person will take news of this magnitude.
You and your wife will need to process everything together and come up with a game plan on how to tell your child. Preferably the two of you will be able to tell your daughter together but you also need to come up with your own game plan to tell your daughter alone in case your wife does not want to approach it as a team.
Just remember, you have no control over how your wife or your daughter is going to react to your news but just like they have to accept your news, you will have to accept their reactions. All you can do is be honest and let the cards fall where they may.
Sincerely,
Alex
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Ask Alex will return next week
Lifestyle November 8, 2020
Alex will return next week to offer up advice on all of life’s questions!
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Passions and Causes
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : Passions and Causes
Lifestyle November 1, 2020
Hey Alex!
I was recently on Facebook and came across an article from a local news station about a man who was charged with animal cruelty. It made me mad to see, but what made me more mad were the comments under the article. So many people were calling for a harsh punishment and I couldn’t help but think why do these people not call for the same justice when it comes to child abuse!?! How can you value a dog’s life over a human life? I tried to express my opinion but got attacked. What is wrong with people? Am I just wrong in my thinking?
Sincerely,
Confused
Hey Confused!
There is nothing wrong with being passionate about an injustice taking place in the world, but there is something wrong with judging another person’s passion.
I think that most people can agree on some universal wrongs. Most would agree that there is no justification for abuse of any kind, whether animal or human, and I think you expressed this in your letter. While you value human life more than that of an animal, your statement of “It made me mad to see” shows that you also feel animal abuse is wrong.
With that in mind, I would also bet that these same people who are passionate about animal rights would also stand beside you on cases of human abuse. They just might not be as vocal.
If we all shared the same passions, the world would be way off balance. We would have areas of society reaching perfection while everything else falls apart. Let people have their passions. Let them fight for a greater good that most can agree on. You have to tackle a problem from all sides, so let them battle their battle and you battle yours. And show your support when it is something you can agree needs to be changed, whether it is your passion or not.
Sincerely,
Alex
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Ask Alex will return next week
Lifestyle October 11, 2020
Alex will return next week to offer up advice on all of life’s questions!
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Unwanted Pregnancy
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : Unwanted Pregnancy
Lifestyle October 4, 2020
Hey Alex!
I never wanted children and despite precautions being taken here I am with a 12 month old baby boy. I have been married to the father of my child for 5 years and he is an amazing man who loves our baby very much, but I just don’t want to be here anymore. He can tell how miserable I am and he knows that it is because I never wanted a baby. I want to leave and let him raise our child on his own. I honestly think he would be happier and I know that I would be happier too. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Mother of the Year
Hey Mother of the Year!
This is a situation where absolutely no one can tell you what to do. You are going to have to do a lot of soul searching and come to the best conclusion for your child, not for you. I would like to give you my thoughts though and some points that I think you should consider.
First and foremost you need to have a very direct conversation with your husband. I’m sure that you are right and he is picking up on your misery, but you can’t just assume that and you can’t assume that he is perfectly happy having a child. He deserves to know exactly how you feel and what you are thinking. The two of you need to come to a healthy solution together if at all possible.
I do feel that if you are going to leave perhaps it is better not to wait it out and see if your feelings change. A baby that young is likely not to even remember you being a part of their life, which might be better for the child rather than having memories of mom leaving one day. I would caution that if you choose to leave, then be gone. I can only imagine that having a mother who pops in and out of your life periodically would be psychologically damaging for any child.
So whatever decision you make, make it with the mindset that there is no going back. I’m not saying that there is no going back but that your decision should carry this much weight.
Lastly, at a bare minimum if you choose to leave, you will still be financially responsible for this child. We all hear about “deadbeat dads” but there are just as many deadbeat moms, don’t become that person. While you may never have wanted a child; it happened and it is still your responsibility to provide.
Sincerely,
Alex
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : High School Rumors
Lifestyle September 13, 2020
Hey Alex!
I broke up with my boyfriend and he is starting nasty rumors about me. I don’t know who all has heard the rumors but I feel like people are treating me different and talking about me. It’s so bad that I don’t even want to go to school! I keep begging my mom to just let me stay home, but she is making me go anyway. How can I make her understand how bad it is?
Sincerely,
Scared
Hey Scared!
I can tell you with a lot of confidence that what you are facing has been faced by almost every single person in the world. Whether it is embarrassment from untrue rumors or humiliation from a mistake. So know that you are not alone and take this knowledge with you when you hear something about someone else. Remember your feelings in this moment and try in the future to not be a part of making someone else feel this way.
I wish there was a way to let you know how insignificant this moment in your life will end up being. It will pass and the less importance you place on it, the quicker it will go. All gossip becomes old gossip when something new occurs and something new will always occur.
Your mom is right in having you just face it head on. The more you show that these rumors don’t hold any power over you, the less power these rumors have and the less likely people are to believe them.
Keep in mind those that know you, know the truth and who you are, and those that choose to believe what they hear, don’t matter.
Sincerely,
Alex
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L4GA grant brings literacy to all local children
Arts & Entertainment August 2, 2020
BLAIRSVILLE, Ga – The Georgia Department of Education (GaDOE) awarded Union County School System (UCS) $3.2 million over five years to advance literacy efforts.
Assistant Superintendent Dr. Paula Davenport was instrumental in UCS receiving the L4GA grant.
As a recipient of the Literacy for Learning, Living, and Leading in Georgia (L4GA) grant, UCS will focus on creating plans for children from birth to 12th grade. Additionally, the school will partner with the community to effectively reach all local children.
UCS was at the top of the list to receive the grant, according to Assistant Superintendent Dr. Paula Davenport.
GaDOE considers “the poverty level of a community, the percentage of students reading below grade level, the recent rate of growth in the number of students reading above grade level, and whether a school is identified for support from the Department of Education’s School Improvement team.”
From a GaDOE release on the program:
“Introduced in 2016, L4GA is a unique approach to improving literacy that pairs community-driven action with research-proven instruction. In its first round, funded by a federal Striving Readers grant of $61.5 million, 38 school districts partnered with early learning and care providers as well as community organizations to implement community efforts and improve classroom instruction. By working together, schools, early learning providers and caretakers, and community leaders are moving the needle on literacy – in 2019, third-grade students showed significant gains in English Language Arts and grade-level reading.”
UCS’s slogan for the program is “literacy is for everyone” or “LIFE” for short. Assistant Superintendent Dr. Davenport explained the school will develop tailored programs to meet each child’s interest from digital books to picture books and graphic novels.
“Whatever it takes to get a child to read,” she added.
Davenport also spoke about how literacy is more than just reading; it’s drawing, listening, and writing. Each area of focus will help children gain a holistic understanding and appreciation of literacy.
The public library, daycare programs, families, and businesses will play an essential role in granting greater access to materials. For instance, parents will be encouraged to read bedtime stories to their children.
With the first planning meeting this week, the initial implementation of the L4GA program will probably be adaptable due to COVID-19. The first year might become more digital to protect the health of everyone involved.
UCS students have scored highly in literacy in the past, but low in writing. Davenport hopes the holistic approach of the L4GA program will lead to an improvement in writing scores as well. Typically, the school uses Milestone test scores to judge students’ abilities, but currently, the most recent data is from 2018-2019. Georgia canceled the Milestone tests for 2019-2020 and could do the same in 2020-2021 because of COVID-19.
L4GA brings together the entire community to support the whole child.
Teams from the Georgia Institute of Technology and Georgia State University will be collecting data from L4GA districts to document positive practices and gauge the overall impact of the L4GA Project.
A total of 23 schools received the grant for 2019. The award total was $22,101,554.
L4GA 2019 Grantees: Burke County Schools, Butts County Schools, Charlton County Schools, Clayton County Schools, Cook County Schools, Elbert County Schools, GaDOE State Schools, Glascock County Schools, Grady County Schools, Haralson County Schools, Lanier County Schools, Liberty County Schools, Newton County Schools, Paulding County Schools, Pike County Schools, Pulaski County Schools, Rockdale County Schools, Terrell County Schools, Toombs County Schools, Treutlen County Schools, Troup County Schools, Union County Schools, and Vidalia City Schools.
“School districts selected for the first round of L4GA funding made great strides in student literacy learning,” State School Superintendent Richard Woods said. “I’m eager to see the progress made by our new grant recipients in the coming years. Making sure students are reading on grade-level remains mission-critical, top-priority work for the Georgia Department of Education, and we continue to seek all possible opportunities to support that work at the school and district level.”
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Ask Alex : Pressure to have children
Lifestyle May 10, 2020
Hey Alex!
I recently got married. My husband and I had been dating for 5 years prior to marriage but we both decided to wait until we graduated college to take the plunge. Since we’ve been married, both of our parents have been pushing for us to have children. They are light hearted about it and say everything in a joking way but we are starting to feel the pressure.
We had talked before we got married about having children and we both want them, but are trying to wait until we become more established in our careers and our lives. I know our parents won’t be around forever and I would really regret them not having the joy of having grandchildren if we wait too long. Are we being selfish by waiting to have children?
Sincerely,
Feeling Rushed
Hey Rushed!
Thank you for asking this question. This is a common issue that a lot of young couples face, feeling the pressure by parents to produce those “grand babies”.
It sounds like you and your husband have a clear picture of the future you want to have together, and as much as you love your parents and he loves his, this is your life together and your new family you are forming, so take your time and live the life you want.
I understand regret, and if any of your parents were to go before the two of you decide to have a child, there would be a regret that they didn’t get to meet their grandchildren. But this regret will be there no matter when they pass. If your child happens to be fifteen when they go, you’ll regret that they didn’t get to see their grandchild drive or graduate high school. If older, you will regret that they didn’t get to see their grandchild get married or meet their great-grandchildren. This is just part of the living experience, so don’t let these feelings dictate your path, especially on such an important life-changing decision.
From your letter, I get the feeling that you have a good, close relationship with your parents and your husband has the same connection with his. This would mean that you are your parents’ first love and deep down they would never want you to do something that would make you unhappy or make it to where you end up not living your life to the fullest.
You should have a conversation with them and let them know your plans. Based on what you’ve said, I would think they would be completely supportive of your decision.
The bottom line is, that this is your life and you need to take care of yourself and do things at your own pace. Are you doing what makes you happy and makes the most sense for your own well being?
Sincerely,
Alex
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Dawson County firefighters roll to save annual Easter Egg hunt
Fetching Featured, Just For Fun April 12, 2020
DAWSON COUNTY, Ga. – Firefighters are known for saving lives. Tomorrow they hope to save what would – under normal circumstances – be the community Easter Egg hunt and to put smiles on the faces of children all across the county.
When Emergency Services Director Danny Thompson learned the annual event was being cancelled due to the COVID-19 epidemic, he and his staff went to work to see what they could do bring a little joy back into the community.
EMS Director Danny Thompson
Working with Kids Are Really Equal and the Dawson County Chamber of Commerce, they came up with a plan for an Easter Egg Toss. The event will take place tomorrow (Apr. 11) From 11 a.m. until 1 p.m., firefighters wearing personal protective gear and mounted on fire trucks will toss Easter Egg bags in many Dawson County neighborhoods.
“I kept hearing how different Easter would be this year with no community Easter Egg hunt,” Thompson said. “So I got with staff on and we talked about what we could do to put something positive back into the community.”
Thompson added that this all came together in the last two days. “We first met on Wednesday and we got the circular out on Thursday,” he said.
It would be impossible for firefighters to go into every Dawson County community due to the limited number of fire trucks so, in addition to the neighborhoods they will visit, they selected two alternative sites where families can go to receive their Easter Egg bags.
Firefighters will visit the following neighborhoods at the stated times:
10 a.m. — Rainhall, Mensie Park, Biscayne, Deer Run and Bethany Trace.
11 a.m. — Redhawk, Oakmont, Highland Point, Amicalola Chase and Dawson Junction.
12 noon — Dawson Forest Apartments, Oak Forest and Blacksmill.
Families with children who do not live in neighborhoods can participate by visiting Fausett Farms (11336 Hwy. 136 West) or Fire Station 1 (393 Memory Lane) between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m. All participants must remain in their vehicles.
While some may question the risk factor, Thompson said it is no different to picking up food at a drive through and it will give families something to smile about for a change.
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Turning the month of April blue for child abuse prevention
Arts & Entertainment April 12, 2020
Turning the month of April blue is the goal for the Georgia Center for Child Advocacy to bring awareness to Child Abuse Prevention Month.
Prevention Palooza features 30 tips to get parents talking to their kids about sexual abuse.
“We hope this will get people asking questions,” said Lea Santom, Region 1 prevention coordinator for the center. She said abuse crosses socioeconomic and racial boundaries and people need to know that the mantra “stranger danger” doesn’t apply to most abuse cases.
“The people you think couldn’t be doing that, might be the ones doing it,” she said.
Turning social media blue will hopefully get people asking questions, she said.
This is important because people don’t want “to think about it because it’s ugly and awful,” said Santom. “They don’t want to think about it happening to their child.”
What they are turning April blue
Since all events had to be cancelled, at least in-person events, Santom said the Georgia Center for Child Advocacy has been getting creative.
They are hosting “Prevention Palooza” on their Facebook page, where they post tips on recognizing abuse and what to do. They will post tips daily through April.
The famous pinwheel gardens that often pop up in communities during April will now sprout online. GCCA will be posting directions on how to make pinwheels and are encouraging families to snap a picture and post it on their Facebook page. Look for details on April 15.
They have already hosted a flag raising ceremony to commemorate children who died as a result of abuse.
Starting next week, Santom said they will be posting interviews with various people involved in the process of investigating cases like social workers and forensic interviewers.
“It’s not just about abuse, it’s prevention and education,” she said.
Why it’s important
“Reports are way down in Georgia,” said Santom. “It’s not because the abuse isn’t happening, it’s because it’s not being reported.”
Tra Nguyen The Georgia Center for Child Advocacy plans to post instructions for making pinwheels on their website. Many counties put pinwheels out for every report of child abuse they’ve had in a year.
Schools closed in March, in an effort to stem the rise of COVID-19, along with other child-service agencies like Scouts, Boys and Girls Club, and other venues with mandated reporters.
“Most abuse is reported by the schools, followed by other service organizations,” said Santom. “Those are the safety nets.”
To off-set this, Santom said they are using the means they have available at the moment — bus drivers.
Many bus drivers in Georgia have been delivering food to children while the schools are shut down, making them the only mandated reporter to be in contact with children, even if it’s only for literally a minute or two.
“Gordon County and some others have really taken off with this,” said Santom, saying they have gotten the criteria of what to look for to eight main things.
According to Georgia State University, in 2017, the latest year available, 122,752 reports were received by child protective services in Georgia with 10,487 substantiated cases, including 97 fatalities. Georgia ranks 38th in the nation for child well-being.
“It is estimated that 1-in-10 children experience sexual abuse by their 18th birthday,” said Santom. “Those are reported cases only. The number of unreported is much higher.”
Santom said they have had success in educating people about the signs of sexual abuse because so often, abuse doesn’t cover one type of abuse and 90-percent of sexual abuse is a 1-on-1 incident.
“If we target those, we are actually eliminating more abuse than just sexual,” she said.