Ask Alex : Survivor’s Guilt

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Hey Alex!

About a year ago I was in a horrible car accident. Me and my best friend were out late one night and a drunk driver hit us at an intersection. My best friend didn’t survive and I somehow walked away with almost no injuries. I constantly wonder why I was the one to live and she didn’t. Everyone tells me that I’ve been given a gift, a second chance, but I just can’t seem to find my purpose. I’m afraid I’m going to waste my life. I can’t move forward and I don’t know what to do. How do I live my life to the fullest and honor my friend’s memory?

Sincerely,

Need Direction

 

Hey Need Direction! 

I am so sorry that this tragic accident has happened to you and I am very sorry to hear that you lost your best friend in such a way. It sounds to me that you may be experiencing survivor’s guilt, where you may feel like you have done something wrong by surviving when your friend did not.

I promise you that you have done nothing wrong by surviving and that unfortunately events happen everyday where we simply cannot process the outcomes. If these questions haunt you or impede your life, I would recommend seeing a professional that specializes in this field. This person will be able to give you perspective from years of talking with other people who have gone through similar tragedies.

There is nothing wrong with looking at your surviving as a second chance or as a gift, but don’t dwell on what that means. By wondering about the what ifs of the past and the purpose of your future, you are losing the present moment and when it comes down to it, that is all we can ever truly lose, the present. I don’t think your best friend would want you to lose any of these moments in your life.

The purpose of your life and this gift you have been given is to simply live. Make the best of opportunities, make mistakes, go on adventures, love and keep breathing. Take each moment as it comes, in the present. The best way you can honor your friend is to live your life and carry her memory with you as you do.

Sincerely,

Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Unwanted Pregnancy

 

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex will return next week

Lifestyle
Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Alex will return next week to offer up advice on all of life’s questions!

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Unwanted Pregnancy

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : Unwanted Pregnancy

Lifestyle
Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Hey Alex! 

I never wanted children and despite precautions being taken here I am with a 12 month old baby boy. I have been married to the father of my child for 5 years and he is an amazing man who loves our baby very much, but I just don’t want to be here anymore. He can tell how miserable I am and he knows that it is because I never wanted a baby. I want to leave and let him raise our child on his own. I honestly think he would be happier and I know that I would be happier too. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Mother of the Year

 

Hey Mother of the Year!

This is a situation where absolutely no one can tell you what to do. You are going to have to do a lot of soul searching and come to the best conclusion for your child, not for you. I would like to give you my thoughts though and some points that I think you should consider.

First and foremost you need to have a very direct conversation with your husband. I’m sure that you are right and he is picking up on your misery, but you can’t just assume that and you can’t assume that he is perfectly happy having a child. He deserves to know exactly how you feel and what you are thinking. The two of you need to come to a healthy solution together if at all possible.

I do feel that if you are going to leave perhaps it is better not to wait it out and see if your feelings change. A baby that young is likely not to even remember you being a part of their life, which might be better for the child rather than having memories of mom leaving one day. I would caution that if you choose to leave, then be gone. I can only imagine that having a mother who pops in and out of your life periodically would be psychologically damaging for any child. 

So whatever decision you make, make it with the mindset that there is no going back. I’m not saying that there is no going back but that your decision should carry this much weight.

Lastly, at a bare minimum if you choose to leave, you will still be financially responsible for this child. We all hear about “deadbeat dads” but there are just as many deadbeat moms, don’t become that person. While you may never have wanted a child; it happened and it is still your responsibility to provide. 

Sincerely,

Alex

 

 

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

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