Ask Alex : Dating after death of a spouse
Just For Fun, Lifestyle May 9, 2021
Hey Alex!
When is it too soon to date again? I lost the love of my life to cancer a little over a year ago. She was my everything and she was everything to our kids. I’ve dealt with the loneliness by being extra invested in my girls but my youngest is going off to college next year and I will truly be alone. I haven’t really been interested in finding someone new but being completely by myself scares me. I feel like I need to get back out there but I’m afraid it’s too soon and I don’t want my kids to feel like I am trying to rush to replace their mom.
Sincerely,
I Still Miss Her
Hey I Still Miss Her!
I am so sorry for your loss. Some people in our lives are truly irreplaceable and you need to first accept that you will not be replacing anyone. When the time comes to date again realize that you are building something new and not filling what is gone.
There is no time frame that is acceptable when it comes to dating after loss, whether due to death or even divorce. Everyone is different and you will know when you are ready. It sounds like you aren’t though and that is perfectly okay too.
Don’t date someone just to fill the void of loneliness. Instead go out and make friends. Find new hobbies or interests to focus on and find like minded people to do these things with. Friends and family can help rebuild you while you grieve. A relationship, if you aren’t ready, is only going to provide a band-aid for the hurt that you still need to process.
When the time is right you will know it and when the person is right you will know it then too.
Your girls are older. Have a talk with them when the time comes and you start dating again. Let them know that you still love their mother very much and are not trying to replace her. They will want you to be happy and even though they will have to go through their own processing of the situation, eventually they will understand.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : I’m in love and he is moving
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : Survivor’s Guilt
Lifestyle October 18, 2020
Hey Alex!
About a year ago I was in a horrible car accident. Me and my best friend were out late one night and a drunk driver hit us at an intersection. My best friend didn’t survive and I somehow walked away with almost no injuries. I constantly wonder why I was the one to live and she didn’t. Everyone tells me that I’ve been given a gift, a second chance, but I just can’t seem to find my purpose. I’m afraid I’m going to waste my life. I can’t move forward and I don’t know what to do. How do I live my life to the fullest and honor my friend’s memory?
Sincerely,
Need Direction
Hey Need Direction!
I am so sorry that this tragic accident has happened to you and I am very sorry to hear that you lost your best friend in such a way. It sounds to me that you may be experiencing survivor’s guilt, where you may feel like you have done something wrong by surviving when your friend did not.
I promise you that you have done nothing wrong by surviving and that unfortunately events happen everyday where we simply cannot process the outcomes. If these questions haunt you or impede your life, I would recommend seeing a professional that specializes in this field. This person will be able to give you perspective from years of talking with other people who have gone through similar tragedies.
There is nothing wrong with looking at your surviving as a second chance or as a gift, but don’t dwell on what that means. By wondering about the what ifs of the past and the purpose of your future, you are losing the present moment and when it comes down to it, that is all we can ever truly lose, the present. I don’t think your best friend would want you to lose any of these moments in your life.
The purpose of your life and this gift you have been given is to simply live. Make the best of opportunities, make mistakes, go on adventures, love and keep breathing. Take each moment as it comes, in the present. The best way you can honor your friend is to live your life and carry her memory with you as you do.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Unwanted Pregnancy
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : Family Heirlooms
Lifestyle May 17, 2020
Hey Alex!
I recently had a family member pass a month back. It took a bit to work through the things, and she left me some rather expensive china. I really appreciate the thought, but I don’t really care to own fancy dishes. I was close with her, and I understand sentimental value, but I also don’t want to just have this stuff boxed up to never be seen again in the name of that sentimental value. Am I a bad relative if I sell it? Should I wait a certain amount of time before I do?
Sincerely,
Unsentimental
Hey Unsentimental!
It’s true, people today don’t value the same things that generations before us did. There has been a lot of research done showing that the younger generations prefer to have less “things” and a set of china would definitely fall into this list of items that the youthful are doing without.
Good news, you are not a bad relative for seeing that this is something that you would not use and that would remain in storage! Take the time to acknowledge that your family member thought enough of you to leave you a treasured possession, but then realize that this same family member would probably want you to use it in any way that brings you joy.
If selling the items provides you money to purchase something you really need or want, then the family member who passed would likely be happy to see that you were able to get purpose out of the china that was left to you.
Before selling be sure to check with other family members first. Proper etiquette dictates that other family members who might have use and sentimental attachment, get first dibs. If no family claims it, then by all means sell and give thanks to your relative for remembering you and helping you to get what you want in your life.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Pressure to have Children
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.