Ask Alex : I made a mistake

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Hey Alex!

I’ve made a huge mistake and it is ruining my reputation. I didn’t realize that people would talk so much and now I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to say exactly what I did because it is so embarrassing, but I need help on how to fix it. How do I move on and get people to stop talking about me?

Sincerely,

Embarrassed

 

Hey Embarrassed!

Without knowing the mistake, I can’t advise on exactly how to fix it but I can tell you how to cope and move on.

It’s simple, you move on. We are all human and there are very few of us who have gone through life without making a mistake that either devastated us at the time or if known would have caused devastation.

Every single person who is talking about you now, has something that would become the center of gossip if brought to light. It probably says just as much about them that they gossip, as your mistake says about you. Might even say more about them.

Don’t worry about what people are saying, the next big mistake will put the name of someone else in their mouth and in the long run do you really care what these people think?

You can’t control how others act. You can only control yourself. Make amends if you need to. Take care not to make the same mistake twice and face the gossip head on by acting like it isn’t getting to you. 

Sincerely,

Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Fed Up With The World

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected] Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex Will Return Next Week

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Ask Alex will return next week with fresh advice for your life’s questions.

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Coping With Death

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected] Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : Coping With Death

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Hey Alex!

My dad was diagnosed with dementia about 7 years ago. He has since progressed to the point of almost around the clock care. I am an only child and my mother passed away several years ago. I have been lucky enough to be able to work from home and take care of my dad. I do get a lot of help from my husband and we have nurses that stop by a couple of times a week. I chose to keep dad at home because I didn’t want him to pass away alone in a strange place.

Recently I have found myself, not hoping but kind of anticipating his death. When I go to check on him, I always wonder if this will be the time that I find him dead. And I’m really questioning myself because when I have these thoughts of him passing, I don’t get a sense of sadness but a sense of relief. Am I a bad person for feeling this way?

Sincerely,

Bothered

 

Hey Bothered!

Please do not think for a second that you are a bad person for having these thoughts. A bad person would not be providing around the clock care for their father in his final stage of life.

I think these thoughts are very natural for a lot of people in your position. People just tend not to openly express them to others for fear of looking like a bad person.

The truth is that dementia takes away the person you once knew and leaves almost a shell in their place. You have probably mourned for your father with each progression of the disease and seeing him now is like looking at a ghost of a man you once knew. In other words, your emotional attachment has lessened as you have been grieving this loss for quite some time.

Even with the help I would also say you are exhausted both physically and mentally and it is not a surprise that the thought of not having to continue the routine brings you a feeling of relief.

In the end don’t carry guilt for a feeling that is natural and if you can, talk with your husband about it. Him being there to help with your father shows that he is there to support you. Let him support you and help you sort through your feelings during this difficult time in your life.

Sincerely,

Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Afraid of Losing Job

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected] Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : Afraid of Losing Job

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Hey Alex!

My boss is having to make budget cuts at work and this means probably having to let someone go. There is a girl I work with that will be leaving in a couple of months when she has her baby and on top of that her husband makes really good money, so she doesn’t actually need the job. She’s one of the highest paid employees here, which means the boss would be saving even more by going ahead and letting her go. Should I bring these points up to my boss? I’m just afraid of losing my job.

Sincerely,

Don’t Want To Get Fired

 

Hey Don’t Want To Get Fired!

If you are afraid of losing your job the absolute worst thing you can do is tell your boss why other people should be let go before you. The only conversation you should have with your boss in this case is why you should stay and that’s only if your boss brings it up.

It’s none of your business how much your coworkers make and even less of your business on how they spend their money or whether or not they “need the job”.  To bring any of this up is going to paint you in a very bad light in the eyes of your employer.

I would say that your boss is already factoring in that your coworker will be leaving and will be making their decision based on the best outcome for longevity of the company. Unless your employer specifically asks for your opinion, I think it would be in your best interest to say nothing and show your value through your quality of work.

Sincerely,

Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Fed Up With The World

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected] Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex Will Return Next Week

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Ask Alex will return next week!

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Fed Up With The World

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected] Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : Fed Up With The World

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Hey Alex!

The state of the world has really got me down. Everywhere I look it’s constant negativity. I feel like everything is in complete chaos and it’s only going to get worse. I’m tired of the stupidity. I’m tired of the meanness. I’m just tired. I don’t think anything can be done, I just wanted to get your take.

Sincerely,

Fed Up With The World

 

Hey Fed Up With The World!

Aren’t we all. I think as a population in general we are all over it. I know I am. It is disheartening to be constantly bombarded with all the negativity, but unfortunately that negativity is very real and as good as an individual might be, I think we all have played a part in the decline.

People are attracted to the chaos and that is evident in what gets reported on all our news. We hear of the latest murder, the latest greed at the gas pumps, the latest gossip, and we are to blame for what we hear. If it wasn’t what drove the ratings, the media would not bring it to you as a top story.

Unless there is a cultural change in what we perceive as important, I’m with you, we will continue to see a steady decline through division and chaos.

This doesn’t mean that the negativity has to rule your world though. You have no control over what goes on outside of your control. So focus on what you can change to make yourself feel better and what you can change to bring back good in your community.

Learn a new skill, sharpen up on an old hobby, talk with friends, volunteer, do what you can to change how you feel and remember that good begets further good. 

You can’t change the world but you can change your world and how you perceive things.

Sincerely,

Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Dating After Death of a Spouse

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected] Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : Dating after death of a spouse

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Hey Alex!

When is it too soon to date again? I lost the love of my life to cancer a little over a year ago. She was my everything and she was everything to our kids. I’ve dealt with the loneliness by being extra invested in my girls but my youngest is going off to college next year and I will truly be alone. I haven’t really been interested in finding someone new but being completely by myself scares me. I feel like I need to get back out there but I’m afraid it’s too soon and I don’t want my kids to feel like I am trying to rush to replace their mom.

Sincerely,

I Still Miss Her

 

Hey I Still Miss Her!

I am so sorry for your loss. Some people in our lives are truly irreplaceable and you need to first accept that you will not be replacing anyone. When the time comes to date again realize that you are building something new and not filling what is gone.

There is no time frame that is acceptable when it comes to dating after loss, whether due to death or even divorce. Everyone is different and you will know when you are ready. It sounds like you aren’t though and that is perfectly okay too.

Don’t date someone just to fill the void of loneliness. Instead go out and make friends. Find new hobbies or interests to focus on and find like minded people to do these things with. Friends and family can help rebuild you while you grieve. A relationship, if you aren’t ready, is only going to provide a band-aid for the hurt that you still need to process.

When the time is right you will know it and when the person is right you will know it then too. 

Your girls are older. Have a talk with them when the time comes and you start dating again. Let them know that you still love their mother very much and are not trying to replace her. They will want you to be happy and even though they will have to go through their own processing of the situation, eventually they will understand.

Sincerely,

Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : I’m in love and he is moving

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected] Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask The Doc! Ascites And Spindle Cell Sarcoma

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This week, the Doctors discuss Ascites in a patient whose lung Cancer is being treated by the Jimmy Carter Immune Therapy. What is it? How is it treated? They also touch on the Spindle Cell Sarcoma. How serious is it? What are the different kinds of Sarcomas? The doctors also give a brief Covid update.

 

Ask Alex : I’m in love and he is moving

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Hey Alex! 

I recently met a guy who I know is moving across the country in a month. We’ve gone out a few times and really like him so much! I’m afraid too much. I’m getting attached and I know it’s going to hurt when he leaves. I’m afraid to spend any more time with him while he’s still here but I also want to see him so bad. I don’t want to waste my time getting attached knowing that he is just going to leave. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Falling in Love

 

Hey Falling In Love!

Get those feelings in check! You knew going into it that your time together would probably be short. Be happy that you are getting to spend some time with someone who makes you have the feels and don’t worry so much about what the future holds.

Every relationship is a chance to learn and to grow. This sounds like an opportunity for you to work on managing your emotions to be able to get the most out of any given situation. If you can focus on just being in the present moment without expectations you will enjoy your time so much more.

This might be a chance to see what you do want from a relationship and give you a basis of comparison so that you don’t settle in the future. It also might be a chance to gain a life long friend.

Speaking of the future, you have no way of knowing exactly what that holds for you or for him. The future doesn’t exist because it hasn’t happened yet. So there is always a possibility that he is the one, but I am a firm believer in what is meant to be, will be. Don’t try to force it and for sure don’t worry about it.

I wouldn’t write him off because you are scared of feeling hypothetically hurt down the road. Instead, enjoy the time you have with him and take it for what it is. Feel grateful that in the present moment you are spending your time with someone who makes you feel good.

Sincerely,

Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Should I report the coach?

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected] Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : Should I report the coach?

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Hey Alex!

Recently my daughter told me that she heard a rumor that her soccer coach was sleeping with one of the girls on the team. I asked her who she heard it from and if she thought it was true. She told me that she didn’t know if it was true or not. I’m struggling with whether or not I should say something to the school. He has been her coach for the entire four years of her high schooling and always seemed like such a nice man. I don’t want to damage or ruin his reputation over a rumor. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Torn

 

Hey Torn!

This is one of those situations where you can’t worry about ruining someone’s reputation. You need to report this to the school. This is a person who has been hired not only to coach but to also look out for the well being of the children he comes in contact with.

Report it in a discrete manner to the administration of your daughter’s school. The school should in return conduct a discrete investigation into the matter. 

If it is found to just be a rumor with no credibility then things should carry on as usual with most being none the wiser to what was said about this coach. 

While I’m sure a rumor of such nature could be very hurtful to the coach on a personal level, also consider that if he is innocent of the allegations he would want to address it and clear his name.

A teacher or coach chooses their profession and it is expected of them to uphold their respective duties to the highest degree. They have a great influence in shaping our children and preparing them for life. Any coach or teacher should be one that not only the children can trust but that the parents can trust as well.

Sincerely,

Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Adrenaline Junkie

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected] Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s

Ask Alex : Adrenaline Junkie

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Hey Alex!

I have a friend who is an adrenaline junkie. She is constantly doing reckless things just to get a rush. She’s like this in every aspect of her life, from how she drives, to the men she dates. If it’s not dangerous then she is bored. I’m worried about her and her safety but don’t know how to make her stop. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Seeking Help

 

Hey Seeking Help!

No doubt it’s scary to see a friend who constantly disregards their own well being while seeking to fulfill a need. 

Your friend’s behavior is no different than those who struggle with drug addiction. Both are seeking a high, so you will need to look at your friend from that perspective. While it’s not as obvious as someone who is actively using drugs, your friend’s behavior is a direct addiction to that adrenaline rush. 

My first concern in this, and one you definitely need to address with your friend, is could her actions potentially cause harm or even death to someone else? For example, you mentioned her driving as one of her reckless behaviors. If this is the case you need to be stern with her, show anger if you have to and let her know how selfish her actions are. She should never put others’ lives in danger.

Feel free to fully and honestly express your concerns over her own life and what could happen.

I would suggest to your friend that she try to seek out a more healthy way to get her high. There are many out there just like her that get addicted to that adrenaline rush and many of these people will compete or take on extreme sports as a hobby. There of course are still risks with these sports but at least they are calculated risks that usually will not involve harm to innocent bystanders.

As for yourself, do not beat yourself up if you fail to reach her. You can only do so much and ultimately her choices are her choices to make and the consequences of her choices are hers alone.

Sincerely,

Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : I Quit My Job

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected] Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : I Quit My Job

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Hey Alex! 

I recently quit my job, like really quit. No notice. I felt that my boss had been treating me badly for a while. Picking apart everything that I did. I was miserable. So when he came in with yet another complaint, I stood up and said not my problem, I quit and I walked out. Any other job I have left, I have always given at least a two week notice. I’m feeling bad for how I handled the situation. Was it wrong of me to just walk out?

Sincerely,

Moving On

 

Hey Moving On!

It sounds like you have always handled yourself in a professional manner in the past and this was more than you wanted to deal with. You hit your limit and are just second guessing yourself because it is against your normal standards.

Truthfully, a person has every right to walk away in a situation where they are being mistreated. This doesn’t just apply to work environments but to every aspect of life.

The cons, which I am sure you are aware of since you normally handled leaving by giving a notice, are that more than likely you have squashed any chance of a reference from that job and also burned your bridge should you ever want or have a need to return.

My only question for you is, did you quit in front of coworkers? Just as a boss should never fire an employee in front of other staff, it is also in poor taste for an employee to quit in front of fellow coworkers. Some things should be handled in private.

While nothing can be done to change how you handled the situation, if you did happen to quit in front of others, just keep in mind in the future that it is always best to speak with your boss about such matters one on one.

I would recommend to anyone that if at all possible try to be courteous by giving notice. However, if your work environment is hostile or causing you major distress, then there is nothing wrong with getting out of there. You need to do what is best for yourself and your life.

Sincerely,

Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Drama Queen

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected] Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : Drama Queen

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Hey Alex!

I have a friend who is constant drama. She is always on the verge of a crisis according to her but she does absolutely nothing to fix her problems and just acts like she never said a thing to me to begin with. When her life isn’t in peril she will gossip about all the rumors she has heard about everyone else. She’s actually a really good person and has been a good friend at times but all the negativity wears on me. I don’t know what to do. I want to continue being her friend but I don’t know that I can deal with all the gossip and drama.

Sincerely,

Over It

 

Hey Over It!

First off you don’t have to have any person in your life as a friend if you don’t want them to be there. If it truly is weighing on you too much or affecting your mood or well being just cut ties. Or at least keep your contact to a bare minimum.

If you are wanting to stay in the friendship, you need to set your boundaries. When she starts to gossip, be very straightforward with her and let her know that you really don’t want to talk about other people. You don’t have to give your reasons, just that it is not a conversation you are interested in having.

When it comes to her personal drama you are stuck if you want to continue being friends. Part of being a good friend is listening and being there for one another. So even if you know she is making her life seem overly dramatic, in a friendship it is not really your job to judge but rather to just listen.

So you need to decide if her negativity outweighs the good she contributes to your life. If the negativity does then move on and surround yourself with more positive friends. If her friendship is more important than the drama, make it clear you don’t want to hear about anyone else’s problems other than hers.

Sincerely,

Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Moving In Together

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected] Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : Moving In Together

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Hey Alex!

I’ve been talking to a girl online for a little over a month. She lives in Maryland and I live in Georgia. We want to be together and she said she would move down here to be with me. And she could move here soon! Like within a month. When I told my friend about her moving here, he wasn’t happy for me at all. It really made me mad but also made me wonder if I am taking things too fast. Should I ask her to wait to move here?

Sincerely,

In Love

 

Hey In Love!

There is nothing wrong with waiting and absolutely everything could go wrong if you rush this move. 

Since you met online and I am assuming not in person, you really need to question how much you know her. Even in new relationships where you see each other on a regular basis, you don’t get to truly know someone for quite a while since most people will put their best foot forward in the beginning.

Truthfully you might not know this girl at all. Being that the relationship has been online (and maybe through text and phone) gives her a bit of anonymity and could allow her to create a persona that is nowhere near who she really is. You are not there in person to witness any different.

You also need to question what type of person would be able to just pick up and move across the country in such a short timeframe and for someone she barely knows.

Most people have obligations that would tie them to an area.  A job, a mortgage, a lease, to name a few. Has she explained why she has none of these ties? If she is willing to break serious obligations so easily, you should also wonder about how seriously she takes responsibilities and commitments.

Lastly, when she moves here all she will have is you. That means, at least initially, she will be relying heavily on you emotionally and possibly financially. If things don’t work out, how will you handle the situation? Will you feel guilt that will lock you into a relationship that you don’t want to be in?

It sounds like you have a good friend who is just watching out for you. Slow down. There is no need to act when good feelings are still high from the newness of the relationship. 

Sincerely,

Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Still Friends with an Ex

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected] Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : Still Friends with an Ex

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Hey Alex!

I’ve been dating my current boyfriend for a couple of months and recently found out that one of his best friends is also his ex. They dated for 2 years and broke up about a year before him and I got together. I’ve met her several times but didn’t know at the time that she was his ex. Now I feel uncomfortable with their relationship. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Insecure

 

Hey Insecure!

That would make most people uncomfortable but it’s not necessarily the devastating conclusion that most would jump to in their minds. I know the thoughts that you probably having. What if he decides he wants to get back with her? They seem like they get along better than we do. And so on. This situation would make even the most secure question and compare.

With that being said, there are a few things that you need to pause and consider before being uncomfortable. First, he has introduced you to her and it sounds like on several occasions. I’m also assuming that before finding out their past, you were ok with her being his best friend.

This probably means that you didn’t pick up on any threatening vibes from her and that she made you feel welcome or at least comfortable. This is a good thing! She doesn’t appear to be stuck on him as far as an emotional attachment from their relationship and doesn’t seem to be trying to win him back.

Also, consider the length of time since they broke up. It’s been a year which means that probably one, if not both have dated other people in that time, meaning you more than likely are not the first new significant other since their relationship’s end. If her being around didn’t break up these new relationships for them, then it is unlikely that her presence will break up yours.

Talk to him. Find out more about their past and how they are able to be such good friends now. You might gain some insight into an event that puts things in better perspective for you.

And of course if it still makes you uncomfortable, you don’t have to stay. You have the option of leaving at any point. For now though I would push aside your insecurities and take a step back to see if what you’re feeling is warranted.

Sincerely,

Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : My Dad’s Young Girlfriend

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected] Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : My Dad’s Young Girlfriend

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Hey Alex!

Recently my dad started dating a new woman. Him and my mom have been divorced for years and both of them have dated, so the dating thing isn’t a problem for me. The problem is that my dad’s new girlfriend is 35 and he is 64. I’m 37 years old and am having a real hard time with the new girlfriend being younger than me. I want to say something to my dad but don’t know if I should. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Grossed Out

 

Hey Grossed Out!

Before you say anything, if you do, you need to take a step back and analyze the situation. I understand the uncomfortable feeling you’re having but assessing the situation as a whole might give you a better perspective and help you to navigate these awkward circumstances.

First, really look to see if the new girlfriend is using your father and he is unaware. For example, is she after his money or is she using his status to get a step up in her own life? If you are sure without a doubt that this is the case you should feel more than comfortable approaching your dad with your concerns. 

But before you do, you also need to see if the relationship is mutually beneficial. For example, the new girlfriend might be enjoying the status of dating your father and at the same time your father might be gaining points in his world from having a young woman by his side. If this is the case, then it is best to stay out of it. Your father is a grown man capable of making decisions to better his own life.

Lastly, there is always a good possibility that they just enjoy each other’s company, in which case, it is absolutely none of your business and best to just keep your mouth shut. There is a certain taboo to such an age difference but at the end of the day it is not your place to rain on someone’s parade because their relationship makes you uncomfortable.

Take a step back. Try to look at the situation without your emotions playing a part and I think the answer of whether or not to say something will come to you.

Sincerely,

Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : My Kid is Bad at Everything He Tries

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected] Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

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