Ask Alex Will Return Next Week

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Ask Alex will return next week with fresh advice for your life’s questions.

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Coping With Death

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : Coping With Death

Just For Fun, Lifestyle
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Hey Alex!

My dad was diagnosed with dementia about 7 years ago. He has since progressed to the point of almost around the clock care. I am an only child and my mother passed away several years ago. I have been lucky enough to be able to work from home and take care of my dad. I do get a lot of help from my husband and we have nurses that stop by a couple of times a week. I chose to keep dad at home because I didn’t want him to pass away alone in a strange place.

Recently I have found myself, not hoping but kind of anticipating his death. When I go to check on him, I always wonder if this will be the time that I find him dead. And I’m really questioning myself because when I have these thoughts of him passing, I don’t get a sense of sadness but a sense of relief. Am I a bad person for feeling this way?

Sincerely,

Bothered

 

Hey Bothered!

Please do not think for a second that you are a bad person for having these thoughts. A bad person would not be providing around the clock care for their father in his final stage of life.

I think these thoughts are very natural for a lot of people in your position. People just tend not to openly express them to others for fear of looking like a bad person.

The truth is that dementia takes away the person you once knew and leaves almost a shell in their place. You have probably mourned for your father with each progression of the disease and seeing him now is like looking at a ghost of a man you once knew. In other words, your emotional attachment has lessened as you have been grieving this loss for quite some time.

Even with the help I would also say you are exhausted both physically and mentally and it is not a surprise that the thought of not having to continue the routine brings you a feeling of relief.

In the end don’t carry guilt for a feeling that is natural and if you can, talk with your husband about it. Him being there to help with your father shows that he is there to support you. Let him support you and help you sort through your feelings during this difficult time in your life.

Sincerely,

Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Afraid of Losing Job

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : A Parent’s Intuition

Lifestyle
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Hey Alex!

I started dating a new guy and when I decided he might be a keeper, I took him home to meet my parents. We had a great visit but afterwards I got a call from my dad. My dad told me that he didn’t really like my new boyfriend. When I asked him why, he just said that he didn’t know, he got a bad feeling from the guy. My dad has always gotten along with my boyfriends in the past and has never said anything like this to me. It’s really weirding me out! Should I dump the guy based on my dad’s “feeling”?

Sincerely,
Concerned

 

Hey Concerned,

In-tune parents tend to have pretty good intuition when it comes to the well being of their children. If this is something that is out of character for your dad, then you should definitely pay attention.

As you said, your dad has always gotten along with your boyfriends in the past and has never said anything like this to you before. This tells me that your dad had a strong enough feeling that he felt compelled to let you know. 

It sounds like your relationship with the boyfriend is relatively new. In the beginning of any relationship, people are going to put their best foot forward. It’s when you both become relaxed that true colors will show, this is when you need to pay attention. If you truly like the guy, give it a little bit of time.

You don’t have to make a decision right away, but keep your eyes open and don’t hesitate to call it quits if your dad’s “feeling” turns out to be correct.

Sincerely,
Alex

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Open Relationships

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

Ask Alex : Pressure to have children

Lifestyle
Advice, Ask, Alex, Behavior, Opinion, relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, exes, photos, pictures, commitment, compromise

Hey Alex!

I recently got married. My husband and I had been dating for 5 years prior to marriage but we both decided to wait until we graduated college to take the plunge. Since we’ve been married, both of our parents have been pushing for us to have children. They are light hearted about it and say everything in a joking way but we are starting to feel the pressure.

We had talked before we got married about having children and we both want them, but are trying to wait until we become more established in our careers and our lives. I know our parents won’t be around forever and I would really regret them not having the joy of having grandchildren if we wait too long. Are we being selfish by waiting to have children? 

Sincerely,
Feeling Rushed

 

 

Hey Rushed!

Thank you for asking this question. This is a common issue that a lot of young couples face, feeling the pressure by parents to produce those “grand babies”.  

It sounds like you and your husband have a clear picture of the future you want to have together, and as much as you love your parents and he loves his, this is your life together and your new family you are forming, so take your time and live the life you want.

I understand regret, and if any of your parents were to go before the two of you decide to have a child, there would be a regret that they didn’t get to meet their grandchildren. But this regret will be there no matter when they pass. If your child happens to be fifteen when they go, you’ll regret that they didn’t get to see their grandchild drive or graduate high school. If older, you will regret that they didn’t get to see their grandchild get married or meet their great-grandchildren. This is just part of the living experience, so don’t let these feelings dictate your path, especially on such an important life-changing decision.

From your letter, I get the feeling that you have a good, close relationship with your parents and your husband has the same connection with his. This would mean that you are your parents’ first love and deep down they would never want you to do something that would make you unhappy or make it to where you end up not living your life to the fullest.

You should have a conversation with them and let them know your plans. Based on what you’ve said, I would think they would be completely supportive of your decision.

The bottom line is, that this is your life and you need to take care of yourself and do things at your own pace. Are you doing what makes you happy and makes the most sense for your own well being? 

Sincerely,
Alex

 

 

You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here: Ask Alex : New Neighbors

 

If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.

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