Ask Alex : Open Relationships

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Hey Alex!

My boyfriend recently told me that he wants to try an open relationship. He said he doesn’t have anyone particular in mind but wants to have options if he were to find someone. I’m not sure that I’m cut out for this. I’ve always been pretty monogamous. I’m afraid if I tell him that an open relationship just isn’t for me, he’ll leave. I don’t want to share but I also don’t want to lose him. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Not Open To This

 

 

Hey Not Open To This!

Open relationships aren’t for everyone and to make an open relationship work both parties would need to agree that they both really want it. If both can’t agree on the want for an open relationship, it would lead to the relationship’s end eventually anyway.

So, you’re stuck at ending your relationship now and not compromising yourself, or ending it later. If you’re open to give the open relationship a trial run because you think you might enjoy it, then by all means go ahead but don’t do it to save your relationship.

Ask yourself why do you want to save the relationship if the two of you clearly have different values? Would he be willing to save the relationship for you and take the open relationship option off the table?

This is a situation where there probably isn’t any meeting in the middle. You will have to face the music and have a very direct and honest conversation with him about your feelings. He showed you enough respect to have an open and honest conversation about his feelings. 

If you can’t come to terms, now would probably be the best time to call it quits before bitterness and anger have a chance to take hold. Right now you would be ending the relationship because of separate goals, which is a much better way than ending it because of hurt. 

Sincerely,
Alex

 

 

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