Ask Alex : When to say I love you
Lifestyle November 29, 2020
Hey Alex!
When is it too soon to tell someone you love them? I have been dating a girl for several months now and we spend all of our spare time together. I know that I am falling hard for her but I can’t get a read on how she feels. I just want so badly to tell her that I love her but I’m afraid that if she doesn’t feel that strongly for me then it will scare her off. The last thing I want to do is lose her at this point. What should I do?
Sincerely,
In Love
Hey In Love!
If you are in love and in it for the long haul then there is no reason that you have to rush to tell your girlfriend that you love her. It never hurts to take your time and let things unfold naturally. Waiting would also allow you time to make sure that these feelings are true and not just from the infatuation of something new.
I would also reflect on why you have the urge to tell her that you are in love. Is it because you simply are overwhelmed with these feelings and need to get them out or are you hoping that she will respond with an I love you in return and validate your feelings and the relationship?
More often than not, when people enter into relationships where there is a connection, things are exciting and new, not to mention everyone is putting their best foot forward. It’s during this stage that emotions can run high and sometimes these emotions can be misleading. Time shows everyone’s true self and will also reveal true feelings.
I would recommend taking a step back from the emotional urges and let everything play out as it will. Try to enjoy each moment together as it happens without adding pressure on yourself or worrying about the what ifs. If the timing is right, the I love you will come naturally.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Passions and Causes
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : Setting Goals
Lifestyle November 15, 2020
Hey Alex!
I am in a huge rut! I keep making plans and setting goals but it seems that I never get anywhere. I have great follow through on most things in life but when it comes to accomplishing my long term goals it seems like I never get there. I feel like I’m failing and everyone can see. What can I do to keep with my plans and achieve my goals?
Sincerely,
Spinning Wheels
Hey Spinning Wheels!
Haven’t we all fallen short of our goals at some point? There are several tactics that experts recommend to help people achieve their individual goals and I’m not sure that any one way is the right way.
Every person will need to find what works for them and based on what you have told me, I would say that the route you have been taking isn’t working for you and it is time to change direction.
The most common recommendation is visualization. This works for many people. Create a vision board, plan out your course of action in a journal and then take time out of each day to reflect on your board and your plans. This method is often noted as the top method for keeping someone on track.
A less conventional method is to keep all of your plans and goals to yourself. Don’t talk about, don’t write about it and don’t share it on social media! It has been proven that when a person achieves a goal, dopamine (or the feel good chemical) is released in the brain. This is your brain’s way of training itself and keeping your success pattern logged so that it may be used in the future.
On the flip side, studies have shown that your brain also releases dopamine when you talk about your goals or see them written out. So by telling a friend about your plans, your brain releases the same dopamine as though you have already accomplished your goal. This makes it less likely for you to want to continue on your path since your brain and body have already received the reward.
In this hush hush method, it is recommended that you set a goal in your mind and a couple of stepping stones to help reach your goal. Then you just do. You don’t plan out every detail, you just begin taking action.
These methods are pretty polar opposite of each other but I would recommend trying each one out and seeing if either works for you. It might be that you need to modify to find a middle ground between the two methods.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Passions and Causes
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.