Ask Alex : I Want A Dog
Lifestyle June 14, 2020
Hey Alex!
I have wanted a dog for as long as I can remember! I constantly search rescue websites looking for that perfect companion. When I was younger I always lived in apartments that wouldn’t allow pets, but now I own my own house, with my husband…. Therein lies my problem. He is just not a dog person and won’t budge on not wanting a dog in the house. Recently, I found a little guy that I think would be perfect for us, but I keep getting a very stern no from my other half.
What should I do? Would it be horrible if I just adopted the dog anyway? I’ve always heard it’s better to ask forgiveness than to get permission.
Sincerely,
Needing A Pup
Hey Needing A Pup!
I’m going to go ahead and stop you in your tracks. In this situation it is absolutely NOT better to ask for forgiveness than to get permission. Adopting a pet is a huge commitment in all aspects of your life. It will change how you operate day-to-day. It will change if you and when you can plan vacations and events. Not to mention the financial responsibility that comes with being a pet owner and these are just the practical areas that will be impacted, not the emotional impacts that would come and probably trouble your marriage.
Adopting a pet is a lifetime commitment for that pet. What would you do if your husband is so angry he says it’s me or the dog? Would you just give up on the dog? What if this moment comes down the road when you have had time to bond with your pet? Would you be able to take him or her back to the shelter?
It sounds like your husband has been very clear on his feelings about getting a dog from go, which means you still chose to be with him knowing that you might never be able to own your own dog.
I would recommend that you take time to volunteer at a shelter and try to get your puppy fix without bringing one home. Another possibility that you could speak with your husband about is fostering.
Rescues are always looking for foster homes, and the thought of the dog only being at your house temporarily might be something that your husband would be down to do. If fostering goes well he might just change his mind and be open to adopting a permanent four legged family member.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Where to Eat?
https://sundayedition.fetchyournews.com/2020/06/07/ask-alex-where-to-eat/
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : Where to Eat?
Lifestyle June 7, 2020
Hey Alex!
It’s time to tackle the oldest question among couples. An ancient mystery passed down from generation to generation, one that has gone unanswered for centuries… Where does my boyfriend want to go for dinner?!
He thinks he’s being polite letting me decide, but I just don’t want to make a decision after working all day.
So, oh great sage, where should we go?
Sincerely,
Tired and Hungry
Hey Tired and Hungry!
When in doubt, avoid take out! I understand being tired at the end of a long day and not wanting to make that one last decision….you don’t care, you just need to eat.
Keep your kitchen stocked with some quick and easy fixes for these occasions. You never can go wrong with just a good old fashioned sandwich and chips kind of night.
Save the going out for dinner decision for when the both of you have time to plan ahead on your destination.
Sincerely,
Alex
P.S. He’s not being polite. He doesn’t want to make the decision either.
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Age Gap Dating
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : Age Gap Dating
Lifestyle May 31, 2020
Hey Alex!
How much of a difference is too much? I’m in my upper thirties, and I have started dating this guy in his mid-twenties. Not going to go into it more than that.
I’m a little hesitant, it feels strange, but I like him. Am I too old? Should I move on? It’s not like he’s underage, right? Why do I feel weird about this?
Sincerely,
Feeling My Age
Hey Feeling My Age!
How much of a difference is too much? When it’s illegal or when your own morals tell you “no”. If both parties are happy in a legal relationship, then keep on keeping on.
Large age gaps could put a whole other set of obstacles on relationships that dating someone your own age might not. I mean statistically, men reach full maturity much later than woman….
Do be aware that you can’t put expectations on a person of a different age based on where you are in your life. Were you a different person in your twenties? Of course you were and as long as you keep this in mind and don’t set expectations that he should be someone he’s not, then you’re fine.
Many relationships with age gaps do work out as long as you and your partner stay on the same page.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Wedding Guests
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : Wedding Guests
Lifestyle May 24, 2020
Hey Alex!
I need your help! I am in the process of planning my wedding and to be honest there are certain family members that I just don’t want there. My mom is insisting that I invite them, but they haven’t been good to me or my parents. I am older and me and my soon to be husband are paying for everything for our big day. I really don’t want these family members there and I for sure don’t want to pay for them to attend the reception dinner. What should I do? Am I being petty?
Sincerely,
Making Plans
Hey Making Plans!
Wait, who’s paying for it? There lies your answer…your money, your day, your guests. The simple fact is that if you are paying for it, you do it how you want to.
With that being said, is leaving these guests off the list going to cause a rift between you and your mom? Because if so, I would like to give you a little bit more advice. It’s not worth it to stick to your principals on this one and risk losing a close relationship with your mother.
If these guests aren’t going to ruin your day by causing a scene, you honestly probably won’t even notice that they are there. You will be so busy, focused on your day and your husband and your loved ones (that you enjoy), that the others won’t stand out.
If it is a big deal to your mother that these individuals are invited, approach her with a compromise. Just let her know that you have a set budget for your event and you simply cannot put more money in to cover the added expenses. If she feels so strongly about them being there she can pony up the cash for them to come.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Family Heirlooms
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : Family Heirlooms
Lifestyle May 17, 2020
Hey Alex!
I recently had a family member pass a month back. It took a bit to work through the things, and she left me some rather expensive china. I really appreciate the thought, but I don’t really care to own fancy dishes. I was close with her, and I understand sentimental value, but I also don’t want to just have this stuff boxed up to never be seen again in the name of that sentimental value. Am I a bad relative if I sell it? Should I wait a certain amount of time before I do?
Sincerely,
Unsentimental
Hey Unsentimental!
It’s true, people today don’t value the same things that generations before us did. There has been a lot of research done showing that the younger generations prefer to have less “things” and a set of china would definitely fall into this list of items that the youthful are doing without.
Good news, you are not a bad relative for seeing that this is something that you would not use and that would remain in storage! Take the time to acknowledge that your family member thought enough of you to leave you a treasured possession, but then realize that this same family member would probably want you to use it in any way that brings you joy.
If selling the items provides you money to purchase something you really need or want, then the family member who passed would likely be happy to see that you were able to get purpose out of the china that was left to you.
Before selling be sure to check with other family members first. Proper etiquette dictates that other family members who might have use and sentimental attachment, get first dibs. If no family claims it, then by all means sell and give thanks to your relative for remembering you and helping you to get what you want in your life.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Pressure to have Children
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : Pressure to have children
Lifestyle May 10, 2020
Hey Alex!
I recently got married. My husband and I had been dating for 5 years prior to marriage but we both decided to wait until we graduated college to take the plunge. Since we’ve been married, both of our parents have been pushing for us to have children. They are light hearted about it and say everything in a joking way but we are starting to feel the pressure.
We had talked before we got married about having children and we both want them, but are trying to wait until we become more established in our careers and our lives. I know our parents won’t be around forever and I would really regret them not having the joy of having grandchildren if we wait too long. Are we being selfish by waiting to have children?
Sincerely,
Feeling Rushed
Hey Rushed!
Thank you for asking this question. This is a common issue that a lot of young couples face, feeling the pressure by parents to produce those “grand babies”.
It sounds like you and your husband have a clear picture of the future you want to have together, and as much as you love your parents and he loves his, this is your life together and your new family you are forming, so take your time and live the life you want.
I understand regret, and if any of your parents were to go before the two of you decide to have a child, there would be a regret that they didn’t get to meet their grandchildren. But this regret will be there no matter when they pass. If your child happens to be fifteen when they go, you’ll regret that they didn’t get to see their grandchild drive or graduate high school. If older, you will regret that they didn’t get to see their grandchild get married or meet their great-grandchildren. This is just part of the living experience, so don’t let these feelings dictate your path, especially on such an important life-changing decision.
From your letter, I get the feeling that you have a good, close relationship with your parents and your husband has the same connection with his. This would mean that you are your parents’ first love and deep down they would never want you to do something that would make you unhappy or make it to where you end up not living your life to the fullest.
You should have a conversation with them and let them know your plans. Based on what you’ve said, I would think they would be completely supportive of your decision.
The bottom line is, that this is your life and you need to take care of yourself and do things at your own pace. Are you doing what makes you happy and makes the most sense for your own well being?
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here: Ask Alex : New Neighbors
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : New Neighbors
Lifestyle May 3, 2020
Hey Alex!
I have noticed someone building a new home on my street. Construction has been going on a while now. Maybe I have watched too much old tv, but I really want to maybe bake something and take it over to “welcome” them to the neighborhood.
Granted I don’t live in any sort of cul de sac or gated community. Our houses on my street are not close by like some communities. I’ve seen people out walking their dog during the shelter order and we wave and are polite, but it’s not like there has been a ton of previous action like what I want to do.
My husband says it might be too forward or annoying, but I really want to do it. What do you think? Is this sort of thing too “old fashioned,” or would it be a nice surprise for someone new?
Sincerely,
New Neighbor
Hey New Neighbor!
Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes! Bake that pie, make that casserole, pot an iris from your garden and head over there to meet that neighbor! So much is lost in today’s world of technology and one of the most important aspects that we have lost is human connection.
Growing up, it is likely that you knew all of your neighbors. Children played together, the adults knew each other and there was a real sense of community on each street. It is just as likely now, that you don’t know all of your neighbors or many at all.
With the introduction of the internet and of course social media, we have grown comfortable in keeping to ourselves and have tricked ourselves into thinking that we are still connected. Nothing can replace the bond that comes with person to person contact.
An email will never be able to replace a handwritten letter. “Liking” a person’s photo of their child’s winning game will never replace listening to the proud parent share a recap of the victory over the phone.
So go over there and make that connection. Work to keep the connection alive, too. Not only will it make your new neighbor feel like they are welcome and belong, but it will make you feel like a part of the community as well. Who knows, you might be introducing yourself to your next lifelong friendship.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : My Boss Is Too Uptight
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : My Boss Is Too Uptight
Lifestyle April 26, 2020
Hey Alex,
I have worked at my current job for over 8 months and this past week I was late for a 3rd time. All three times that I have been late have been under ten minutes and this last time I was only 4 minutes late! My boss flipped out on me and wrote me up! I feel like my boss is too uptight. How do I explain to my boss that people are late from time to time and that 5 minutes isn’t a big deal? It’s not like I am being paid for the 5 minutes I wasn’t there.
Sincerely,
A Little Late
Hey A Little Late,
The key word here is BOSS. You don’t explain anything to your boss about how the company runs. That is why they are your boss and they have the authority. If you truly feel your boss is too uptight and this makes an unpleasant working environment, it is simple, you find another job that is more relaxed.
I actually ran into this same issue when I was a manager and had a young employee who started running 5 or 10 minutes late from time to time. The employee was excellent beyond this issue, but being late is being late. I will give you the advice that, as a manager, I gave the employee.
You were not hired to be paid for the time you feel like working. You were hired to fill a specific time period that the business needs you present. You will likely have many jobs in your life and some bosses will absolutely not tolerate tardiness, so it is best to get in a different mindset early on.
Five minutes early is on time. This doesn’t just go for work, but also for appointments or even plans with friends. Your time is valuable, it is something that can never be replaced, so by the same token everyone else’s time is just as valuable. Wasting someone’s time by simply being late is robbing them of the most valuable asset in their life.
As far as work goes, always remember that no one is irreplaceable. If you value your position, show that you do. Being on time is one of the most important ways that you can express maturity and dependability.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : “Big” City Move
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : “Big” City Move
Lifestyle April 12, 2020
Hey Alex,
I’m feeling lost. I recently moved to a “big” city for a job opportunity, and even though I am surrounded by a ton of people I am feeling alone. I’ve been here for about a year and I’ve made some really good friends, but I am missing the feeling of family from living in a small town. Is this going to pass? Should I go ahead and start making a plan to move back home?
Sincerely,
Small Town
Hey Small Town,
What you are feeling is completely normal, it’s usually about a year or so after a move when the newness and the excitement of adventure wear off. At this point you start evaluating what you want versus what you have.
To be honest, I can’t tell you if your home sickness will pass or if you should just start packing up now, but I can give you some things to think about that might help your decision.
First, beyond the job opportunity, what attracted you to your current location? If it was just the job, then it’s likely that you will never feel at home, but if it was more than that, then you need to ask yourself, is what I wanted still here? Perhaps, a music scene enticed you, maybe it was the thought of stores being open past 9 p.m. Are those things still there and do you still enjoy them?
Next you need to look at what you are missing. Was your hometown as great as you remember it or are you romanticizing that environment because you are feeling lonely?
The truth is your hometown and the big city are both going to be there, so I feel there is no reason to rush your decision and whatever decision you make, in this case, it can be reversed. Take time to yourself to really think about your future and what is most important going forward. Which location will provide you with what you value most in life?
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out last week’s Ask Alex by clicking the link Ask Alex : What’s In A Name?
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : What’s in a name?
Lifestyle April 5, 2020
Hey Alex,
There is a guy at work that is nice. He’s not for me, but he often goes out of his way to say nice things to people and uses little names for coworkers. Not just women, I’ve paid attention to notice he compliments everyone. From simple things like “Nice tie, handsome” to some of the guys to “Thanks for your help today, beautiful” to some of the girls.
A few times, I’ve really needed it and it brightened my day. One specific example was a presentation I thought was awful but he said, “great job, Shakespeare.”
I’ve told a friend about him, and she thinks the compliments are nice, but the names are too far. I think it’s fun and he hasn’t done anything physical to make it awkward. Plus, he does it to everyone.
I know I enjoy it, and I’m not looking for what to do, but my question is, who do you agree with? Are the names too much? Or is she being too sensitive?
Sincerely,
Nicknamed
Hey Nicknamed,
Well, I know the politically correct answer that I should give, but this is an opinion article, so I’m siding with you.
If no one in your company has complained (which is a shocker in this day and age) then I would say no harm, no foul. This person, according to your observations, hasn’t crossed the line with anyone and that points to it just being a friendly part of their personality.
I feel that society as a whole has become a little too sensitive. We have all been programmed to be offended, but even with that being said, you should still keep in mind that what is appropriate for you may not be for others.
Be sure to be vigilant of your co-workers and make sure that the fun banter does not cross the line into possible passive aggression. Not everyone is able to speak up if they truly are offended or hurt.
It sounds like you enjoy your workspace, so keep on enjoying it as long as it isn’t causing harm to you or your coworkers. And tell your friend, Sensitive Sally, that not everyone in life has ill intent, sometimes it’s best to just sit back and accept people for who they are.
Sincerely,
Alex
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
You can check out last week’s Ask Alex by Clicking Here – Ask Alex : Am I In Too Deep?
Ask Alex : Am I in too deep?
Lifestyle March 29, 2020
Hey Alex,
I have an addiction, but it is not drugs or alcohol or anything illegal. It is a huge part of my life, and I feel great when I am doing this hobby. I am not a very social person, and I have a small group of friends that join me regularly in this hobby. It is not ruining my life, I have a job and all, but I have had a relationship or two ruined over the years because I am so dedicated to this hobby. Am I really in too deep, or am I just overreacting?
Sincerely,
Need Direction
Hey Direction,
This is an issue that so many people deal with and everyone at some point has to decide to what extent they want to continue with their passion. I don’t feel that you are overreacting or that you are in too deep, but merely at a point of self reflection.
Your hobby isn’t ruining your life based on your own account, but it is ruining an aspect of your life that you feel like you need. You are going to need to find balance to have both, and this balance is going to come in one of two ways.
The first would be to start limiting your time with your hobby before looking for a relationship. Get into a pattern of “OK, I am only going to devote this much time to my interest in a week”. Be upfront with a potential significant other about the time you set aside for yourself, and stick to it. This way there are no expectations that aren’t being met down the road; your new love will know going into the relationship that “this is their hobby time”.
The other option of course is to find someone that is as passionate about your hobby as you are. In this day and age, with the use of the internet, our world is a lot larger, and finding someone with your interests is easier than ever. Perhaps if this person is out there, you wouldn’t have to modify at all, and grow a relationship based on mutual interests.
Sincerely,
Alex
Click Here to read last week’s Ask Alex : When did I cross the line?
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : When did I cross the line
Lifestyle March 22, 2020
Hey Alex,
I am a huge extrovert and I have a need for attention. It may be a flaw, but it is who I am. However, I can’t really read people and I don’t know when I am overdoing it. How do normal people regulate themselves to know when they are being fun or funny, and when they just become obnoxious?
Sincerely,
I am who I am
Hey I am who I am,
First, I would address why do you really need this attention? Usually when a person over compensates in one aspect of their life, they are trying to make up for something that is lacking in another area. So before just sticking to the claim “it is who I am”, see if there is something that you are missing specifically that would be able to fill this need for attention. We are all constantly growing and changing after all, and it never hurts to look inward.
Next, I’m assuming that you are writing to me because your need for attention has stepped on a few toes and you have received a few negative reactions to your behavior. I applaud you for seeing that this is something on your end and not just everyone else’s problem.
The truth is there is no set social cues and there are no normal people. Yes, some are better at reading body language and vibes than others, but we all, at some point, will cross that line to obnoxious. The difference is whether you yourself are willing to make changes to correct the obnoxious behavior.
When you get a negative response because of your behavior take note, whether mentally or writing it down. See if there is a pattern to what is that you are doing that is bothering people and then self-reflect. Is that behavior or trait an important enough piece of your personality to hang on to it?
We are all maturing and never stop. Don’t accept “it’s just who I am”. We can all be better versions of ourselves.
Sincerely,
Alex
Ask Alex: Stressed by my Mother-In-Law
Lifestyle March 15, 2020
Hey Alex,
I’m stressed and trying to cope with my mother-in-law coming to live with me and my wife. It’s been rough because she wants to be a good daughter, but her mother is very needy and stressful. She constantly tells us what we’re doing wrong, but is physically unable to really help or contribute. How do I tell my wife that her mother is straining and hurting our relationship without causing more damage myself?
Sincerely,
Stressed
Hey Stressed,
Do you remember the vows of your wedding, for better or for worse? Well, welcome to worse, and I can assure you that throughout your marriage there will be many other ‘worses’, and they will quite possibly be worse than your current situation.
With that being said, you need to take some responsibility over these circumstances. Your mother-in-law might be adding stress, but she is not straining or hurting your relationship. How you internalize and react to the situation is what can cause the damage.
Your wife obviously feels love or obligation towards her mom or your mother-in-law would not be staying with you during a time of need. I am also assuming from your words that the mother-in-law is facing an issue that leaves her physically unable to live on her own. We can only hope that someone will be there to care for us when we inevitably face the time that we can no longer care for ourselves.
Your wife is probably already well aware of the stress that you are feeling, but you need to look at this from her point of view. She loves you both and she not only wants to be a “good daughter” but also a good wife. Don’t put her in a situation where she feels torn between you and her mother.
Approach your wife with solutions, not with the problem. You could possibly say, “Hey. I can tell this situation is adding some stress on the both of us. Why don’t we make plans to get out of the house once a week, just the two of us?”
She will appreciate that you aren’t just thinking of yourself, but thinking of the two of you as a team.
Sincerely,
Alex