Ask Alex : Dating after death of a spouse
Just For Fun, Lifestyle May 9, 2021
Hey Alex!
When is it too soon to date again? I lost the love of my life to cancer a little over a year ago. She was my everything and she was everything to our kids. I’ve dealt with the loneliness by being extra invested in my girls but my youngest is going off to college next year and I will truly be alone. I haven’t really been interested in finding someone new but being completely by myself scares me. I feel like I need to get back out there but I’m afraid it’s too soon and I don’t want my kids to feel like I am trying to rush to replace their mom.
Sincerely,
I Still Miss Her
Hey I Still Miss Her!
I am so sorry for your loss. Some people in our lives are truly irreplaceable and you need to first accept that you will not be replacing anyone. When the time comes to date again realize that you are building something new and not filling what is gone.
There is no time frame that is acceptable when it comes to dating after loss, whether due to death or even divorce. Everyone is different and you will know when you are ready. It sounds like you aren’t though and that is perfectly okay too.
Don’t date someone just to fill the void of loneliness. Instead go out and make friends. Find new hobbies or interests to focus on and find like minded people to do these things with. Friends and family can help rebuild you while you grieve. A relationship, if you aren’t ready, is only going to provide a band-aid for the hurt that you still need to process.
When the time is right you will know it and when the person is right you will know it then too.
Your girls are older. Have a talk with them when the time comes and you start dating again. Let them know that you still love their mother very much and are not trying to replace her. They will want you to be happy and even though they will have to go through their own processing of the situation, eventually they will understand.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : I’m in love and he is moving
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : I’m in love and he is moving
Just For Fun, Lifestyle May 2, 2021
Hey Alex!
I recently met a guy who I know is moving across the country in a month. We’ve gone out a few times and really like him so much! I’m afraid too much. I’m getting attached and I know it’s going to hurt when he leaves. I’m afraid to spend any more time with him while he’s still here but I also want to see him so bad. I don’t want to waste my time getting attached knowing that he is just going to leave. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Falling in Love
Hey Falling In Love!
Get those feelings in check! You knew going into it that your time together would probably be short. Be happy that you are getting to spend some time with someone who makes you have the feels and don’t worry so much about what the future holds.
Every relationship is a chance to learn and to grow. This sounds like an opportunity for you to work on managing your emotions to be able to get the most out of any given situation. If you can focus on just being in the present moment without expectations you will enjoy your time so much more.
This might be a chance to see what you do want from a relationship and give you a basis of comparison so that you don’t settle in the future. It also might be a chance to gain a life long friend.
Speaking of the future, you have no way of knowing exactly what that holds for you or for him. The future doesn’t exist because it hasn’t happened yet. So there is always a possibility that he is the one, but I am a firm believer in what is meant to be, will be. Don’t try to force it and for sure don’t worry about it.
I wouldn’t write him off because you are scared of feeling hypothetically hurt down the road. Instead, enjoy the time you have with him and take it for what it is. Feel grateful that in the present moment you are spending your time with someone who makes you feel good.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Should I report the coach?
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : Moving In Together
Just For Fun, Lifestyle March 28, 2021
Hey Alex!
I’ve been talking to a girl online for a little over a month. She lives in Maryland and I live in Georgia. We want to be together and she said she would move down here to be with me. And she could move here soon! Like within a month. When I told my friend about her moving here, he wasn’t happy for me at all. It really made me mad but also made me wonder if I am taking things too fast. Should I ask her to wait to move here?
Sincerely,
In Love
Hey In Love!
There is nothing wrong with waiting and absolutely everything could go wrong if you rush this move.
Since you met online and I am assuming not in person, you really need to question how much you know her. Even in new relationships where you see each other on a regular basis, you don’t get to truly know someone for quite a while since most people will put their best foot forward in the beginning.
Truthfully you might not know this girl at all. Being that the relationship has been online (and maybe through text and phone) gives her a bit of anonymity and could allow her to create a persona that is nowhere near who she really is. You are not there in person to witness any different.
You also need to question what type of person would be able to just pick up and move across the country in such a short timeframe and for someone she barely knows.
Most people have obligations that would tie them to an area. A job, a mortgage, a lease, to name a few. Has she explained why she has none of these ties? If she is willing to break serious obligations so easily, you should also wonder about how seriously she takes responsibilities and commitments.
Lastly, when she moves here all she will have is you. That means, at least initially, she will be relying heavily on you emotionally and possibly financially. If things don’t work out, how will you handle the situation? Will you feel guilt that will lock you into a relationship that you don’t want to be in?
It sounds like you have a good friend who is just watching out for you. Slow down. There is no need to act when good feelings are still high from the newness of the relationship.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Still Friends with an Ex
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.