Ask Alex : Moving In Together
Just For Fun, Lifestyle March 28, 2021
Hey Alex!
I’ve been talking to a girl online for a little over a month. She lives in Maryland and I live in Georgia. We want to be together and she said she would move down here to be with me. And she could move here soon! Like within a month. When I told my friend about her moving here, he wasn’t happy for me at all. It really made me mad but also made me wonder if I am taking things too fast. Should I ask her to wait to move here?
Sincerely,
In Love
Hey In Love!
There is nothing wrong with waiting and absolutely everything could go wrong if you rush this move.
Since you met online and I am assuming not in person, you really need to question how much you know her. Even in new relationships where you see each other on a regular basis, you don’t get to truly know someone for quite a while since most people will put their best foot forward in the beginning.
Truthfully you might not know this girl at all. Being that the relationship has been online (and maybe through text and phone) gives her a bit of anonymity and could allow her to create a persona that is nowhere near who she really is. You are not there in person to witness any different.
You also need to question what type of person would be able to just pick up and move across the country in such a short timeframe and for someone she barely knows.
Most people have obligations that would tie them to an area. A job, a mortgage, a lease, to name a few. Has she explained why she has none of these ties? If she is willing to break serious obligations so easily, you should also wonder about how seriously she takes responsibilities and commitments.
Lastly, when she moves here all she will have is you. That means, at least initially, she will be relying heavily on you emotionally and possibly financially. If things don’t work out, how will you handle the situation? Will you feel guilt that will lock you into a relationship that you don’t want to be in?
It sounds like you have a good friend who is just watching out for you. Slow down. There is no need to act when good feelings are still high from the newness of the relationship.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Still Friends with an Ex
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : When to say I love you
Lifestyle November 29, 2020
Hey Alex!
When is it too soon to tell someone you love them? I have been dating a girl for several months now and we spend all of our spare time together. I know that I am falling hard for her but I can’t get a read on how she feels. I just want so badly to tell her that I love her but I’m afraid that if she doesn’t feel that strongly for me then it will scare her off. The last thing I want to do is lose her at this point. What should I do?
Sincerely,
In Love
Hey In Love!
If you are in love and in it for the long haul then there is no reason that you have to rush to tell your girlfriend that you love her. It never hurts to take your time and let things unfold naturally. Waiting would also allow you time to make sure that these feelings are true and not just from the infatuation of something new.
I would also reflect on why you have the urge to tell her that you are in love. Is it because you simply are overwhelmed with these feelings and need to get them out or are you hoping that she will respond with an I love you in return and validate your feelings and the relationship?
More often than not, when people enter into relationships where there is a connection, things are exciting and new, not to mention everyone is putting their best foot forward. It’s during this stage that emotions can run high and sometimes these emotions can be misleading. Time shows everyone’s true self and will also reveal true feelings.
I would recommend taking a step back from the emotional urges and let everything play out as it will. Try to enjoy each moment together as it happens without adding pressure on yourself or worrying about the what ifs. If the timing is right, the I love you will come naturally.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Passions and Causes
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : A Sibling’s Smell
Lifestyle August 23, 2020
Hey Alex!
I started dating a guy a couple of months ago and things are going really well, but there was always something that seemed off. I finally figured it out. He wears the same deodorant as my brother! Now, every time I am with him that’s all I notice! Every time I smell him, I think of my brother! Needless to say, it is killing the romance. I don’t want to weird him out by saying anything. Should I tell him he needs to switch deodorant?
Sincerely,
So Awkward
Hey So Awkward!
You should absolutely tell him, especially if you can’t get past it! Yes, admittedly it is a little weird of a subject to approach but if you are wanting to see where the relationship goes, it sounds like it will have to be approached.
Studies have shown time and time again that smell is our sense that is most closely linked to memories. It has even been shown that smells can conjure up suppressed memories such as a childhood trauma. So, with the sense of smell being so strongly linked to memory and for that matter, emotion, of course it would be hard to get past dating someone who smells like a sibling.
I’ve found the best way to approach awkward conversations is through humor. Let your guy know up front that you’re about to talk some awkward truth to him and let him know this with a smile on your face. I would bet that not only will he switch that deodorant, but that the two of you will also have a great inside joke to share for a long while.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Covid-19 and Schools
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.
Ask Alex : Photos of Exes
Lifestyle August 9, 2020
Hey Alex!
My girlfriend has pictures of all of her exes. I really wish she would get rid of them, but every time I bring it up to her, she refuses. We’ve had some really heated arguments about the pictures. It makes me feel like she values those photos over me. How do I get her to see that she needs to get rid of them?
Sincerely,
Big Picture
Hey Big Picture,
It would be very frustrating being the current boyfriend to see photos of her past companions, especially happy photos, but as a boyfriend there is not a lot you can do there. She has every right to hold onto what she values, and more than likely it is not her exes that she is valuing but the places that she went and the experiences that she had.
Memories are precious and a lot of times it is hard to let go of sentimental pieces related to those memories.
Now if she has photos displayed of exes throughout her place, that is another story. It is one thing for her to keep them stored away out of your view and a totally different ballgame for her to have them up for you to see every time you are there.
If they are displayed, I would just ask for the compromise of her taking them down. If she doesn’t, then you have to decide if it is worth it for you to stick around.
If they are packed away, I would wait and revisit the disagreement later. When you are seriously considering a proposal and if you are still bothered, I would bring it up then. When the two of you are planning on spending your entire future together, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to ask for the past to be let go.
Sincerely,
Alex
You can check out more of Alex’s advice by clicking here : Ask Alex : Late Coworker
If you enjoy reading Alex’s advice, send in your questions or situations to [email protected]. Each week, Alex will answer a new question or provide some friendly advice on issues we deal with every day. Whether it’s serious, fun, interesting, or you’re just stuck, send in your questions to Ask Alex for a little bit of outside perspective on life.