Ask Alex : Unwanted Pregnancy

Hey Alex!

I never wanted children and despite precautions being taken here I am with a 12 month old baby boy. I have been married to the father of my child for 5 years and he is an amazing man who loves our baby very much, but I just don’t want to be here anymore. He can tell how miserable I am and he knows that it is because I never wanted a baby. I want to leave and let him raise our child on his own. I honestly think he would be happier and I know that I would be happier too. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Mother of the Year

Hey Mother of the Year!

This is a situation where absolutely no one can tell you what to do. You are going to have to do a lot of soul searching and come to the best conclusion for your child, not for you. I would like to give you my thoughts though and some points that I think you should consider.

First and foremost you need to have a very direct conversation with your husband. I’m sure that you are right and he is picking up on your misery, but you can’t just assume that and you can’t assume that he is perfectly happy having a child. He deserves to know exactly how you feel and what you are thinking. The two of you need to come to a healthy solution together if at all possible.

I do feel that if you are going to leave perhaps it is better not to wait it out and see if your feelings change. A baby that young is likely not to even remember you being a part of their life, which might be better for the child rather than having memories of mom leaving one day. I would caution that if you choose to leave, then be gone. I can only imagine that having a mother who pops in and out of your life periodically would be psychologically damaging for any child.

So whatever decision you make, make it with the mindset that there is no going back. I’m not saying that there is no going back but that your decision should carry this much weight.

Lastly, at a bare minimum if you choose to leave, you will still be financially responsible for this child. We all hear about “deadbeat dads” but there are just as many deadbeat moms, don’t become that person. While you may never have wanted a child; it happened and it is still your responsibility to provide.

Sincerely,

Alex

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Joy says:

October 6, 2020 at 8:26 am

Please speak to your Husband and a professional, Post Partum Depression is real. Ask for help with caring for the baby (husband, Family, Hire someone) Talk to a professional counselor and if needed take medicine.