Ask Alex : When did I cross the line

Hey Alex,

I am a huge extrovert and I have a need for attention. It may be a flaw, but it is who I am. However, I can’t really read people and I don’t know when I am overdoing it. How do normal people regulate themselves to know when they are being fun or funny, and when they just become obnoxious?

Sincerely,

I am who I am

 

Hey I am who I am,

First, I would address why do you really need this attention? Usually when a person over compensates in one aspect of their life, they are trying to make up for something that is lacking in another area. So before just sticking to the claim “it is who I am”, see if there is something that you are missing specifically that would be able to fill this need for attention. We are all constantly growing and changing after all, and it never hurts to look inward.

Next, I’m assuming that you are writing to me because your need for attention has stepped on a few toes and you have received a few negative reactions to your behavior. I applaud you for seeing that this is something on your end and not just everyone else’s problem.

The truth is there is no set social cues and there are no normal people. Yes, some are better at reading body language and vibes than others, but we all, at some point, will cross that line to obnoxious. The difference is whether you yourself are willing to make changes to correct the obnoxious behavior.

When you get a negative response because of your behavior take note, whether mentally or writing it down. See if there is a pattern to what is that you are doing that is bothering people and then self-reflect. Is that behavior or trait an important enough piece of your personality to hang on to it?

We are all maturing and never stop. Don’t accept “it’s just who I am”. We can all be better versions of ourselves.

Sincerely,

Alex

 

Click Here to Read Last Week’s Ask Alex : How do I tell my wife that her mother is straining and hurting our relationship without causing more damage myself?